Legendary
by mademoiselle anna
Summary: People pick up traits of their mentors. Naruto has a frogshaped wallet and a perverted jutsu. Sasuke has homicidal urges and a tendency to scare little boys. And I’ve suddenly become the Legendary Sucker and could really use a strong drink.
1. Chapter 1

**Legendary**

_A joint project between arrana and Sailor Silver Moon_

All general disclaimers apply

**Experiment: **Tandem

_Everyone knows that people unconsciously pick up the characteristics of their mentors. That's why Naruto has a frog-shaped wallet and a perverted jutsu. That's why Sasuke has homicidal urges and a tendency to scare little boys. And that's why I've suddenly become the Legendary Sucker and could really use a strong drink._

**Chapter 1: The dice are rolled. (Sailor Silver Moon)**

"I'm going to kill someone." Sakura groaned and lunged for her alarm clock. "It's already six am?"

Sakura flopped backward as soon as her fingers hit the snooze key. She was careful in her anger to not summon any chakra to the blow – replacing yet another alarm clock really wasn't in her budget.

And it wouldn't be in her budget for a long while thanks to the twin terrors that were her teammates. Between Sasuke's still-frozen family assets and Naruto's appetite constantly being larger than his wallet (neither of which were larger than his mouth, of course), Sakura found herself footing more than her share of the bar tab each time they went out.

Maybe she would sleep just a little longer. Sakura figured that if she just rushed through her morning routine, she could snag a whole fifteen minutes more of glorious rest. As much crap as she gave her mentor for being less-than-alert in the morning, Sakura wasn't a fan of any hour before noon. She had just begun to drift back toward her warm slumberland when she suddenly recalled exactly why she had gone to bed only two hours before.

Sakura sat bolt upright in bed, wide-eyed. In her less than sober state the previous night, she may or may not have lost a bet to Ino that involved a certain Hyuuga and a certain Aburame.

Why did Ino's persuasive logic, which always seemed to make so much sense in the dim lighting of the Slaughtered Shinobi, seem so utterly pathetic now? Sakura groaned and tried to bury her head under her pillow. She really needed to stop listening to her blonde friend.

Ino had thought their visits to their favorite bar were becoming a bit routine. Everyone knew everyone in a hidden village, Sakura had pointed out, and in the life of a ninja, having anything routine was a blessing.

But Ino was not to be deterred; she never had been before and certainly wasn't going to start now. She had once even managed to get Kiba to sport close cropped hair instead of his messy mane simply because she had been bored with her _own_ hairstyle. Ino's whims always ended badly for other people, and never for Ino. Perhaps that's why Ino continued to indulge in them.

"Let's play a game." Ino had said last night.

"One where we sit here, sipping our drinks and nobody's hair gets burned off?" Sakura had instantly replied, wary.

"That only happened once and he apologized – why can't you get over it already, Sakura? Anyway, let's play a _fun_ game."

"Oh, sure, because watching me stop, drop and roll after getting caught in the middle of a 'Whose got the biggest katon jutsu fireball' contest was so much fun for me."

"Look, I saw Tenten's team arrive just a little while ago," Ino spoke as if she hadn't heard a thing Sakura had said.

"You and the rest of the bar also _heard_ them arrive. Remember – Lee is a part of that team too. A bit hard to miss him, really. What with the declarations of love and all." Sakura grumbled to her drink. (There was no way Ino was listening, but she had a fighting chance that the drink would hear her woes).

"Let's make a bet. Who can seduce their target first? No, you're far too much of a prude for that to be any fun… Alright: who can get their target the most drunk!" Sakura didn't like the gleam in Ino's eye. To be honest, she didn't like any gleam in Ino's eye, but this one seemed particularly malevolent.

"Hypothetically – not that I'm considering this absurd notion in the slighting bit at all – who did you have in mind for our targets?"

"Hyuuga Neji and Rock Lee, of course."

"Nuh-uh. No way – have you ever _seen_ Lee drunk?"

"No, why?"

"Just hope you never do. Lee and alcohol never end well."

"Alright – then you get Neji and you can pick a different target for me. That is, assuming that despite your absolute disinterest in the game, you're still willing to play?"

Damn. Ino drove a hard bargain. How was she supposed to pass up the chance to tell Ino what to do for once? Sakura cast a series of furtive glances around the bar, trying to decide whether to make Ino's life miserable or just to be downright cruel.

"Yo – bartender! Two Liquid Kunai, on Sakura's tab, please." Ino called out the order for the two shots of alcohol breezily.

Downright cruel it was: "Aburame Shino."

Sakura had the distinct pleasure of watching Ino's baby blue eyes widen in horror at her challenge. Quickly picking up one of the Liquid Kunai, Sakura mock toasted Ino.

"Unless you concede defeat. Let's say whoever loses has to dye their hair to match the winner's color?" Sakura paused to let that statement sink in. "I think pink would look lovely with your blue eyes, you know."

Her last comment seemed to shake Ino out of her stupor. With renewed determination, the blonde picked up her own shot and clinked it against Sakura's still raised glass.

"To a new green-eyed blonde in Konoha."

"Hah, you wish, Ino-pig. To a blue-eyed pinkette."

"Pinkette? That's not even a real word!"

"Shut up and drink your shot."

Famous last words, really. Sakura buried her head in her hands at the memory. Both girls had downed their shots and finished their drinks before separating towards their targets. Sakura had the easier entrance, what with her familiarity with Lee being a good segue into joining Neji's table.

Perhaps it had been too easy? Their table had fallen into conversation right away and it hadn't taken much on Sakura's part to bring up the idea of a challenge. Predictably, Lee had taken to the idea with a battle cry of "If I am to lose, I will do two hundred laps around the village on my hands!"

Sakura had acted downcast while telling Lee that she had actually meant to propose a drinking challenge, but that she knew that it was unfair to him. A strategic pause and then a "Well, what if I were to stand in for you? Hyuuga-san, Tenten, would you two mind that arrangement? I mean – if that's alright with you, Lee-san?"

Cake. Lee fell over himself trying to express his gratitude for Sakura being ever so thoughtful. Tenten had accepted with a bemused smile. Neji had looked like he wanted to use his gentle fist on her, but couldn't back out of a challenge involving Lee (however contrived Lee's participation really was) without losing clan honor.

The reason behind Tenten's bemused smile became apparently none too quickly.

Four bottles of sake into the "competition" and Sakura was feeling slightly buzzed. The warm feeling brought a smile to her face. Alcohol always loosened her up and made her more friendly. Tenten was laughing at some comment Lee had made and Neji was sitting ramrod straight in his chair.

Sakura had turned away for a just a moment to gauge whether Ino was having better success. Neji's frigid expression meant that she had a ways more to go in order to get him drunk enough to loosen up.

Luck was finally looking up – while Ino looked pretty sloshed herself, Shino was looking as unruffled as Neji. Well, Sakura amended, Shino was looked as unruffled as Neji had looked before Neji had slid sideways and passed out on the floor.

Hyuuga Neji was apparently only slightly better than a one-shot wonder.

And thanks to Sakura, everyone in the village now knew.

Inner Sakura gave a 'cha' of delight, but Outer Sakura looked at the man sprawled at her feet in horror. He might have wanted to use the gentle fist on her earlier, but he was _so_ going to Juuken her into next month the minute he woke up.

Which was probably anytime now, Sakura glumly thought as she dragged her body towards her bathroom. "Maybe he'll have a massive hangover and I'll live until noon?"

Even her reflection looked skeptical. She was probably better off hoping that Neji had forgotten everything. Once the fact that she'd knocked out Neji even without using her chakra-enhanced strength registered with the rest of the bar, there had been quite the commotion. In the end, Sakura had carried Neji out (potato-sack style) of the bar.

Ideally, the task would have fallen to his team, but Tenten had apparently also felt the effects of their little competition and found the task of remaining upright while laughing hysterically at Neji's predicament a little difficult. Lee had been recruited to handle the inebriated kunoichi. He had apologized profusely, citing that it would be easier to find the Hyuuga compound than Tenten's house.

The thought of going to the Hyuuga compound hadn't made Sakura feel any better. A quick glance around the bar showed her Hyuuga Hinata curled up close to her own blond terror of a teammate. As tipsy as Sakura was, she couldn't find it in her to ruin Hinata's evening because of Ino's crazy ideas.

And so, Hyuuga Neji became Hyuuga Bag-of-Potatoes-on-Sakura's-Back.

Well, until the first leap made him gurgle.

Sakura had stopped dead when she'd heard that noise. She gave the Hyuuga their due, but no matter how great their clan was, puke was puke. And thanks to Naruto, she had seen enough to know the danger signs.

She had stopped immediately and set him down on the rooftop, praying that they were atop a civilian complex with a lax alarm system. The paperwork for setting off security alarms was enough of a headache that she was going to henge herself into Sasuke and Neji into Naruto the second that she heard a siren. Not that those two ever completed their requisite paperwork.

"Hyuuga-san? Hyuuga-san, please wake up." No response.

"Hyuuga-san, I left Hinata-chan to fend off Naruto's advances on her own." Still no response.

"Hyuuga-san, the village is under attack." Neji actually had the audacity to give a little snore.

Sighing, Sakura had weighed her options and switched to carrying Neji bridal-style. Haruno Neji - now wasn't that a sight to see? Luckily for the both of them, few people, even ninja, were voluntarily awake at four in the morning.

Although she was ready, at the first signs of him being sick, to drop him like the sack of potatoes she had treated him like only moments before, Sakura arrived at the Hyuuga compound with no other emergencies.

She had no problems getting across the security perimeter around the house – Hinata had long ago given Sakura clearance to enter the compound. Having an unconscious Neji in her arms had given the gate guards a pause, but as she was bringing his inebriated eyes back to the compound instead of vice versa, they gave her the wave to continue onward.

Hyuuga Neji was not as light as he looked and as Sakura found herself in the branch half of the compound with no idea as to where his quarters were, she vaguely wondered how much Cloud would pay her for her trouble. But alas, Team Seven had enough black marks on its record without her selling Neji's head to another village, no matter how many alarm clocks she could have bought with the windfall.

Sakura sent some chakra towards her eyes and willed herself to evolve the Byakuugan. She was certain that it was invented to combat situations like these, and that its utility on the battlefield was just a happy side-effect of a tool designed to avoid the awkwardness of opening a hallway full of strangers' doors.

She was, unsurprisingly, unsuccessful. Who knew how many traps she would set off by blindly walking into occupied rooms? So she settled for prodding Neji awake so that he could give her some direction in the ghostly quiet house.

"Hyuuga-san. Hyuuuuga-san." Sakura said in a singsong manner that bespoke the fact that whatever her tolerance, she was far from sober. "Wakey wakey, Hyuuga-san. Time for another day filled with scary eye-puffing, fierce poking and general stick-up-your-butt-ness."

"Mff upn mfn buntf." Sakura froze as Neji slurred a response.

"Sorry, what did you just say?"

"Said, I don' haf a schtik up my butt."

"Of course you don't. I don't know who would ever say that you did." Sakura's sense of self-preservation swam to the top of all the alcohol in her system.

"Yesh, you," Neji paused to open one eye. "You both did."

"Right. Okay, well, then, can you tell the both of us where your room is?" Sakura's sense of self-preservation was now doing the backstroke. He was going to stick around until she stopped giving Hyuuga Neji more reasons to disembowel Sakura.

"Ish right here. G'nigh'." Neji closed his open eye.

Sakura paused in the middle of her shower at the memory. She had been so frustrated with him that she had been tempted to leave him in the hallway for the Hyuuga elders to find him in the morning.

Fortunately for Neji, she had made enough noise to wake one of the maids, who had been kind enough to point Sakura to the almighty Neji-sama's room. Sakura half-carried and half-dragged Neji to the end of the hallway, secretly hoping that he got floor burn in revenge for his lack of cooperation.

She had hefted him into bed, careful to leave his head near the edge, where she placed the trashcan from his bathroom. She briefly contemplated getting him into pajamas, but decided that her good deed for the day would instead consist of leaving him a tall glass of water next to the trash can.

Sakura felt that she had been more than kind to him at the end of the night. (She was studiously ignoring the fact that she had been in the one who had gotten him into that state to begin with). She finished dressing herself and walked out of her apartment, carefully resetting all of her traps as she finally left for her hospital shift, already five minutes late and dreading the ire she was sure to be greeted with.

She was not disappointed – Tsunade (nursing her own hangover) was in a surly mood. Sakura smirked a little when she was sure her mentor wasn't looking. Although her mentor could repair a severed limb, there was still no cure for something as mundane as a hangover.

Sakura wondered that Tsunade hadn't ever tried to come up with a solution, but figured that when she was with a hangover, her mentor was too preoccupied with the pounding in her head. And whenever her mentor wasn't hungover, she was too preoccupied with drinking.

Sakura was just thankful that her metabolism left her with little to no hangover most mornings. She was as chipper as she was going to be in the morning, regardless of any drinking the previous evening. Perhaps this was what made Tsunade-shishou so grumpy whenever she had a hangover near Sakura?

Regardless of the reason, as soon as grand rounds were over, Tsunade chose to assign Sakura several cases in the hospital, a double shift two days in a row and office duty each afternoon that week. Sakura was still backlogged with work from the previous week – there were several of the annual physicals to perform, a report to cobble together for this month's council meeting and she was behind on her research into sealing techniques and doujutsu.

She began to walk toward her office, having finally fled Tsunade's morning wrath. The only thing worse than a long week that won't end, Sakura mused, is a long week looming in the near future, stubbornly refusing to start.

Oh, and perhaps seeing the Hyuuga that she had emasculated the night before standing in front of her.

"Haruno-san. Perhaps you can inform me as to why I woke up this morning only to trip over a glass of water, causing it to spill all over my floor and causing me to land elbow-deep in a trashcan?"

Yes. This was indeed worse.

**XXX**

**A word of explanation: This story is being written as an exercise in versatility. Each chapter is being written by one of the two authors involved. The other author has no idea what will happen in that chapter, but must continue the story where it is left off. Only the roughest of guidelines were established before the start of the project. **(arrana: Silver, these are the guidelines- Naruto fanfic, Sakura as main character; Silver: Ok, cool, let's do it.) –that was honestly our conversation.

**Yes, it is different. We hope you enjoy it as much as we did while writing each part of it.**

**Chapter 1 was written by Sailor Silver Moon. Chapter 2 will be written by arrana. Chapter 3 by Sailor Silver Moon again, Chapter 4 by arrana, etc.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Legendary**

_A joint project between arrana and Sailor Silver Moon_

All general disclaimers apply

_Everyone knows that people unconsciously pick up the characteristics of their mentors. That's why Naruto has a frog-shaped wallet and a perverted jutsu. That's why Sasuke has homicidal urges and a tendency to scare little boys. And that's why I've suddenly become the Legendary Sucker and could really use a strong drink._

**Chapter 2: A game of roulette. (anna)**

"_My sanity simply cannot take any more of your apologies,"_

--

She was delighted when she looked at him. If his slumped shoulders and the need to constantly wipe his eyes were any indications at all, Sakura would have safely assumed that Neji Hyuuga was indeed suffering from a hangover. Inner Sakura jumped with glee at the loophole she could use to evade the ANBU's anger.

Sakura, however, found out without further foreplay that a hungover Neji resembled a certain alcoholic Hokage remarkably. Despite his polite inquiry, Neji was in a foul mood.

"Would you like me to heal your bruises?" she asked, hopefully.

"I don't have any,"

"Really? That's funny, because as much as he tries to hide it, Sasuke-kun bruises like a peach, why just the other day, he tripped over the cat…" Sakura started, her arms making wild gesticulations.

"Haruno-san…"

Her face fell visibly; if playing dumb didn't work, she was going to play dumber.

"I honestly don't know how your bathroom trashcan ended up on the floor at your bedside, Hyuuga-san. As much as I would like to take credit for such an ingenious ploy, I certainly was not responsible for it," she said, playing with her hair innocently. Sakura never played with her hair, but at the moment it felt fitting.

"I never said the trashcan was from the bathroom," how he managed to appear relatively regal in all his Hyuuga glory while his eyes glazed over, she would really like to know.

A light tap on her shoulder saved Sakura from another impulsive (stupid) answer. She turned around to find an envelope shoved in her face by one Aburame Shino.

"From Ino," the tall man mumbled, his voice slurred with the obvious implication. "Now where do I go to relieve myself of this dratted alcohol induced cloudiness?"

"I'm sure Shizune can give you some pills for that," the medic answered dismissively as she gingerly began to open the envelope.

The Aburame nodded appreciatively and sauntered down the hall. The click of his heels echoed and bounced off the walls.

Still very aware of the ANBU's glowering form, Sakura began to read the almost indecipherable scribbles only an incredibly plastered person could produce.

She sighed.

Her "worse" day successfully morphed into "awful" beyond all hopes of intervention.

"I would like an intelligent explanation now," he was crossing his arms, adopting the pose of an irate parent scolding a recalcitrant child.

"I can't guarantee intelligence, but the explanation goes something like this…" the medic commenced.

His face twitched infinitesimally as she went on with her little story. Sakura covered everything and did not leave any embarrassing details untold. The Hyuuga almost cringed when she got to the part where he made a fool of himself, which was throughout the entire story.

"… And now… as we both effectively fulfilled our ends of the bet, Ino proposed that we both dye our hair," Sakura finished.

Neji stood there. Apparently having your clan honor successfully diminished, simply because you were a casualty of a silly female bet, was a quick buzz kill. Noticing his lack of amusement, Sakura began to gesticulate again.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise!" her arms waving wildly.

Silver eyes adopted a look that was extraordinarily similar to something like… a hidden agenda.

"Oh?" he was interested.

The wheels in her brain began to roll, hoping to find something (_anything) _that would be sufficient enough to appease him. Then, an idea materialized. It was a shot in the dark, but it may just be humiliating enough.

"I'll… let you dye my hair blonde,"

Now this was an interesting turn, one that the ANBU was willing to indulge. Maybe he wasn't quite sober yet.

"Under one stipulation," he said.

"What's that?"

"I get to choose the shade,"

--

Sakura was upset.

She was sitting in front of her bathroom mirror, her eyes scrutinizing intently at her hair. She needed to ingrain the image in her brain, because in an hour or so her glorious pink hair was going to disappear. Dark lashes fluttered as she averted her gaze up to the man behind her.

"I'm upset at you too," she huffed.

"And why is that?" Neji asked, he didn't even bother to look at her as his attention was currently directed to a garish yellow bottle.

"Out of all the shades to choose from…. 'Honeysuckle', 'Morning Rays', 'Sun-kissed Carnation'… you had to choose that abominable color," she raised an accusing finger, Inner Sakura agreed ferociously.

The bottle of dye was simply labeled "Yellow", it looked more like something a schizophrenic would put on his wall. Sakura scoff at the man who was poking at the yellow goo, Neji sure had great tastes.

"So what do I do?" the ANBU asked, looking at her expectantly.

Something about a black-op squad captain inquiring about dying a woman's hair made Sakura want to chuckle. His masculine presence felt fabulously out of place in her orange bathroom (courtesy of Naruto). The aristocratic features of the Hyuuga scrunched uncharacteristically as he tried to interpret the direction.

"What do you mean? I don't know how to dye hair,"

The pink haired woman scowled in irritation when she noticed his eyes widened in surprise.

"You don't…"

"Dye my hair," she completed.

"So that's…"

"My natural color," her temper was steadily rising.

Completely out of impulse, Neji reached out to touch a lock of pink hair. The strands felt soft between his fingers, the pale color was a stark contrast to her temperamental tendencies. The woman shuffled in annoyance, oblivious to his obvious fascination.

"Just pour it on and get it over with," Sakura said, her temper was competing with her logic, and was winning.

The Hyuuga raised an elegant eyebrow and complied. His nimble fingers opened the lid and he set it carefully on the counter. The direction said something about foil aluminum and a brush. Sakura felt the hair on her neck stood up as she felt something heavy applied to her hair. In the mirror, she saw the ANBU sporting a look of intense concentration, the countenance of a man on a mission. Sakura felt another shiver when his fingers inadvertently brushed against her skin, his gentleness belied the look of death on his face. She would have laughed if her head wasn't covered with itchy aluminum.

A drop of dye slid down her back and the medic squirmed in response. She was always so ticklish. Unfortunately, her reaction made her shoulder collided with him, whose arm was holding the entire bottle of dye above her head for convenience. The sensation of having all the yellow goo sliding down her head made her jump. In the lack of coordination, Sakura successfully pushed into Neji's hard body.

"Haruno…." She heard him growled in disapproval from behind her.

She slowly turned her gaze up to see the damage. Sakura winced; her head was covered entirely in garish yellow and a portion of Neji's immaculate brown hair was stained with the same aforementioned "abominable color".

"I'll make it up to you, I promise," she whispered weakly.

"I think you've made up enough, Haruno-san," the Hyuuga replied slowly, his eyes still fastened at his reflection in the mirror, "my sanity simply cannot take any more of your apologies,"

"I can help you dye the rest of your hair the same color," Sakura offered helpfully.

He glowered over her again, "I am not dying my hair blond,"

"Yellow," Sakura corrected.

Boy, she really needed to stop giving him reasons to eviscerate her.

"See? It says "Yellow"," she pointed at the label.

Inner Sakura reveled in the smartass comment while the more logical side of her begged her to stop the massacre.

Just yesterday she was getting him drunk and forced to carry him home in a less than dignified manner. Today, they were getting matching hair color. Their relationship was blooming beautifully.

"Well… we can go and buy brown hair dye and try to remedy the situation," she began, "but we're going to have to wait for our hair to dry before we indulge ourselves in another adventure,"

The Hyuuga aristocrat nodded in agreement. He reached across the counter for a tissue and offered it to her politely.

"Thanks," Sakura accepted and began to wipe her face of the dye. The smell of chemical was making her ludicrous.

He watched in silence as the woman cleaned herself, sometimes his eyes would catch the offending strand of yellow on his own hair in the mirror and he would turn quickly in both embarrassment and distaste. Neji had to remind himself that the only reason he was there, in her bizarre orange bathroom, was for the sole purpose of retribution. It was almost too comical to watch the Godaime's prized pupil with pieces of aluminum protruding from her head, and drops of schizophrenic- inspired yellow peeking out from underneath.

Even within the odd universe that was her bathroom, the sharpened senses of a highly skilled ninja were still on towering alert. The familiar feeling of dull anxiety began its frantic climb. Removing his eyes from the peeved medic, Neji activated the Byakugan.

"What's wrong?" Sakura asked as she wiped the last drop on her cheek.

"There is somebody in the house,"

The medic listened attentively when she heard the light tapping of feet.

"Sakura," somebody called her.

The woman's jaw dropped and she adopted a look of panic. She knew that voice; her entire youth worshipped that voice.

_Oh shit! Sasuke! _

_--_

To be continued by Sailor Silver Moon

anna: I don't know why Sasuke is there. Silver will just have to deal with that. (love you)


	3. Chapter 3

**Legendary**

_A joint project between arrana and Sailor Silver Moon_

All general disclaimers apply

_Everyone knows that people unconsciously pick up the characteristics of their mentors. That's why Naruto has a frog-shaped wallet and a perverted jutsu. That's why Sasuke has homicidal urges and a tendency to scare little boys. And that's why I've suddenly become the Legendary Sucker and could really use a strong drink._

**Chapter 3: Ace-high flush. (Silver)**

"'_They thought she was a witch,' he cackled gleefully."_

--

Sakura could not honestly say what she thought was worse: Sasuke seeing her in the bathroom with Neji or Sasuke seeing her with enough aluminum on her head that she should be picking up radio frequencies from Hidden Mist any time now. Maybe she would finally be able to pinpoint when Mist was having its semi-annual gemstone sale – she had been meaning to get a set of their freshwater pearls…

No, thoughts of all things good would have to be put on hold. Unless she could transform Neji into a freshwater pearl, gemstones were not going to get her out of this sticky situation.

She glanced at the Hyuuga in the mirror, lingering on the splotch of yellow in his normally pristine chocolate locks. He'd managed to wipe the gunk off relatively quickly, but the damage had been done. Neji's questionable choice of hair color appeared to sport some equally questionable ingredients – she'd never seen hair bleach that quickly. Which, she realized with a start, boded ill for her hair, which was still saturated in the messy product.

"Stay out there – I'm not decent!" She called, the panic at what the store-brand dye could have done to her hair by now adding some credence to her tone. She began to pull out the bits of aluminum foil at top speed, shoving them unceremoniously into the trash bin. Once she'd completed that task, she turned her sink onto full blast and dunked her entire head into the water, scraping at her scalp with her nails.

"Hyuuga-san," She hissed, careful to keep her voice low enough that the running water would mask it from Sasuke, "Hand me my shampoo. Top rack of the shower caddy. The pink bottle."

Neji raised an eyebrow at the command in her voice but wordlessly deposited the bottle next to the sink Sakura was either trying to wash her hair in or drown herself in. She was making enough of a mess that he couldn't be sure what her goal was. Wisely, he took a step back from her splashing.

His Byakugan was still activated and he could see Sasuke's disgruntled expression through the door. The Uchiha was yet still unaccustomed to waiting for anything but knew enough of his formerly pink-haired teammate that he sat on her overstuffed couch, twirling a kunai in his hands. His mutinous expression was the only thing that belied his docile almost puppy-like behavior.

A small smirk appeared on Neji's face at the thought of Sakura issuing commands to Sasuke. Sit. Roll-over. Play dead. Perhaps once Sasuke's was house-trained, the Hyuuga clan would give him a doggie treat. Oh, how the Uchiha clan had fallen – and to a wisp of a girl, too.

Neji caught sight of his own hair and the smirk vanished from his face. Clearly, appearances were misleading when Haruno was concerned. The girl in question was vigorously toweling her hair off, as if she could remove the yellow color along with the dampness.

She finally stopped and took a look at herself in the mirror. It was as if gold poppy had choked on a lemon before the whole concoction had been run over by a school bus. Her hair was, for lack of any better adjective, _yellow_. And, judging from the width of her eyes and the fact that although her mouth was moving, no sound was coming out, she had realized this fact just as quickly as Neji had.

He gave her thirty seconds before she would attempt to bash her head against the sink (whose ceramic also looked suspiciously lighter in color than before).

He caught her head ten seconds later (he should have known she was the over-achieving sort), millimeters from the basin. He gestured towards her living room, where Sasuke had now begun to do the human equivalent of a puppy chewing up furniture. Nonetheless, Neji didn't think Sakura would react any better to having tiny Uchiha fans carved into her end table.

He gave her a courtesy shove toward the door, signaling in code that he would remain here while she dealt with the problem sitting on her couch.

Sakura took one last look at her new hair color before signaling back in the same code, asking why a ninja code would have the word 'couch' in its repertoire. Or the word repertoire, for that matter.

Neji gave her his best Byakugan-backed glare.

Sakura got the hint and put a hand on the doorknob. She turned back and signaled for Neji to stay in the bathroom. There was always the (very slim) chance that Sasuke was unaware of Neji's presence, and Sakura always was the gambling sort of person. Granted, it had taken a few years with Tsunade for that gambling tendency to appear, but her mentor assured Sakura that the (formerly) pink-haired girl had developed it all on her own. She walked out of the bathroom and braced herself for Sasuke's reaction.

"Sorry to make you wait." She wasn't really sorry, but lying was easier.

"Hn."

"Is there anything particularly pressing that you needed me for?" Sakura waited for a response before continuing, "you _do_ recall that I gave you and Naruto keys after making you swear an oath that you would only use them in the most dire of situations, right?"

Silence, with a bit of guilty shifting around on the couch. As "cool" as the teenaged girls in Hidden Leaf persisted in calling Sasuke, he never had really mastered the art of social intercourse.

"Just spit it out, Sasuke." Sakura's deck was finally showing her the cards she wanted. Once she got rid of Sasuke, she could work on putting the rest of her world back to right – starting with the Hyuuga lying in wait for her in the bathroom. It was like she'd been handed a straight flush! There was no way she could lose...

"What is Hyuuga doing here?" And the dealer wins again. For such a quiet bastard, his speech sometimes felt like a senbon needle to the eye. Direct, piercing, and it generally made you blink a lot.

"Hiding in the bathroom." Sakura replied reflexively as she tried to understand how Sasuke had suddenly gained control of the conversation. "I mean, he was helping me out with an Ino-related issue."

"In the bathroom?"

"Yes. I didn't hear you volunteering to help."

"And get covered in orange paint again?"

"We asked your opinion about color and you just made that little noise in the back of your throat! We aren't all mind-readers, Sasuke. Anyway, stop trying to distract me – what emergency has forced you to enter my apartment unannounced?"

"The dobe wanted to train."

"Yes, Naruto generally enjoys training. That fact, however, doesn't explain why you have been sitting here," she paused, scrutinizing the room, before her voice began to rise in pitch with each successive word: "carving little Uchiha fans into my table!"

"Lunch."

"Lunch?" Sakura paused, confused, before realizing that she was late. Team 7 had a long-standing tradition of going to Ichiraku before they met up for training. In the turmoil of getting Neji drunk, getting only two hours of sleep and having just dyed her hair blonde, Sakura had completely forgotten. Sakura blinked once more and looked at Sasuke – had he not noticed the change?

"Sounds like a good idea." A third voice intoned, distracting her from her previous line of thought. Sakura was startled to see Neji outside of the bathroom much less inviting himself to lunch. A quick glance at him revealed that he had turned the Byakugan off before entering the room. He had also borrowed (with no intention of ever returning) one of Sakura's hair ties and secured his normally unbound hair into a low ponytail. Sakura was vaguely irked to see that he had somehow tucked the blond portion of his hair underneath the normal brown.

He was punishing her, the jerk! Sakura realized with a start exactly why Neji suddenly wanted to have lunch with a team he normally associated little with. Somehow, he had guessed that she had been planning to dye her hair back to pink just as soon as she saw Ino. By volunteering the both of them for lunch, he was effectively parading her around town simply for the sake of humiliation.

Hyuuga Neji might have been listed as a genius, but what the bingo book failed to note was that he also didn't forgive very easily.

Unfortunately for him, Haruno Sakura was also brilliant. Brilliant, with a violent streak.

"Oh, that's right, I forgot that you said you would join us for our training session today, Hyuuga-san. I guess we should go grab a quick bite to eat before we start." Her green eyes dared him to contradict her.

Although he was still feeling the lingering effects of a hangover and sporting tie-dyed hair, Neji simply smirked back at her. Sakura, surprised at how the small gesture transformed what she had been thinking of as the face of death himself into a magazine covershot, found herself briefly thinking of how firm his chest had felt when she had bumped against him earlier before remembering her vendetta.

Sasuke took advantage of Sakura's distraction to carve another fan into her end table.

--

The trip to Ichiraku was relatively sedate. Sasuke and Neji kept eyeing each other over Sakura's golden head. Sakura was pleasantly surprised to find that despite the hostile atmosphere between her companions, they ran into no actual trouble. While most of the village had become accustomed to her pink hair, turning it blonde drew nary a second look.

"Sakura-chan! Over here! Oh, hey Neji!" However bright her hair was, it still dulled in comparison to Naruto's spiky top.

They sat down at a corner table already littered with bowls from Naruto's first six orders of ramen. Sakura saw Neji minutely raise an eyebrow at the scene, though she wasn't sure if the expression that flitted across his face was disgust or amazement. Ayame came by to take their orders and brought back a bowl for each of them, and two more for Naruto. Her eyes lingered on Sakura, but she refrained from commenting.

Yep, that was definitely disgust wrinkling Neji's aristocratic nose as he watched Naruto tear into the first of his new ramen bowls.

"I was worried when Teme was gone for so long, Sakura-chan. I wasn't sure if he'd wandered by the academy again – you know they have that restraining order on him after the incident with Kiba's little cousin. Did you really forget about us already? Oh, hey, is there something different about you? Wait, don't tell me… you cut your hair!"

He laughed as he dodged the half-joking punch that Sakura sent his way (it was only half-joking because, had she connected, he would have ended up only _halfway_ to Hidden Sand, instead of all the way there). "Give up comedy, Naruto. Or if you must insist, take your skills to Ibiki – I hear he has some new prisoners to torture."

"Aww, you wound me Sakura-chan! But really, why's your hair so yellow?"

"Ino." She wasn't going to say any more than she had to, especially once she caught sight of the amused expression that Neji wasn't even trying to hide.

"Ino? Okay, I'm better off not asking. How do you like being a blonde? Isn't it awesome to be one of us?" He grinned at her and she found herself reflecting once more on the walk.

"Actually, it's been rather pleasant." She said slowly. "No one stared at me, or tried not to stare at me, or tried to burn me."

"Burn you?" The Hyuuga eating his last meal asked. (To be fair, he didn't yet realize that death sat just across the table from him. But then, Sakura had no intention either of playing fair or of making his demise quick or painless.)

"Some rural villages," Sakura responded delicately, "aren't accustomed to seeing pink hair."

"They thought she was a witch." Naruto cackled gleefully at the memory. "And when she had to use the replacement technique with a clone to avoid the bonfire, in their eyes, she only confirmed their theory."

Sakura affected a dainty sniff, turning her nose up as if the conversation was beneath her, while flicking a ramen noodle at Naruto, who promptly ate it. Having thus succeeded in getting her teammate to _shut up_ about that incident which they had agreed never to bring up again, she shot a look at Sasuke, daring him to try to pick up where Naruto had left off. She was surprised to find him still glaring intently at Neji, though the effect was somewhat lessened by the bowl of miso ramen in front of him.

"Sasuke, you've barely touched your food. I'd say you have about thirty second left before Naruto finishes his own bowl and attacks yours."

"Let's spar." Sasuke abruptly stood, eyes still glued to Neji. Without waiting for a response, he walked right out of the restaurant. Without missing a beat, Neji stood and followed him out. Sakura had a moment to process this before Naruto shoved the rest of Sasuke's bowl in his mouth and ran after the dark haired boy, barely pausing to breathe.

She sat there, wondering at her abandonment when Ayame returned and placed a small slip of paper in front of her. Sakura looked at the waitress in surprise.

"Hyuuga-san said that you were taking care of the entire bill," Ayame told Sakura with a smile.

"Oh, he did, did he?" Sakura ground out as she took note of the sum at the bottom, mentally calculating how many alarm clocks she could have bought with the money. Throwing down enough bills to cover both the tab and tip, she cracked her knuckles.

It was time for a two on two sparring session, and no matter what Sasuke had said to Neji, it was going to be the two dark-haired boys against the blondes.

As Sakura lined up facing Neji, determined to kick him and his hidden blond lowlights into next week, not even Tsunade would have been stupid enough to bet against the blonde in question.

--

**To be continued by arrana**

**Silver: I'm given a Sasuke, and I turn him into a nutjob who carves patterns into innocent end tables... (In my defense, he has to have some outlet for his homicidal tendencies!) I dare you to throw back something worse, anna.**

**As a response to one of the questions – "Isn't it a little risky not knowing where the story is going?" Nope! It's a ****lot**** risky, but I think anna's brilliant enough to keep up with wherever I take things. Maybe a little bit of Tsunade/Sakura's gambling habit has rubbed off on the two of us? (But we swear, we aren't alcoholics…yet).**


	4. Chapter 4

**Legendary**

_A joint project between mlle. anna and Sailor Silver Moon_

All general disclaimers apply

_Everyone knows that people unconsciously pick up the characteristics of their mentors. That's why Naruto has a frog-shaped wallet and a perverted jutsu. That's why Sasuke has homicidal urges and a tendency to scare little boys. And that's why I've suddenly become the Legendary Sucker and could really use a strong drink._

**Chapter 4: Strip poker (anna)**

"_You know, you should feel proud - you're the only man I know who can achieve multiple sarcasms,"_

--

She caught up to them, yellow hair and temper flying closely behind. Sasuke and Neji were busy staring amongst themselves as though each expected the other to hatch at any minute. Behind them, Naruto was cracking his knuckles in anticipation.

She entered the training ground, eyeing the devastated tree stumps and broken craters with feral pride. The boys may have selfishly planned this match for themselves, but Sakura wasn't about to be left out. She had a personal vendetta to settle with the Hyuuga genius and her end tables cried out for similar justice from Sasuke. Naruto was simply Naruto - her personal punching bag.

Clearing her throat firmly, Sakura said, "Just a simple match? Come on now, you would think the two geniuses of Konoha could manage to make things a _little _more interesting."

Neji turned around and Sakura couldn't help but smirk at the flash of yellow peeking out from under his perfect brown hair. "I'm sure you'll tell us exactly how," he said.

Nodding excitedly, Sakura scampered closer to the source of all the testosterone. "I'm talking about teams."

"You mean like…two against two?" Naruto's blue eyes lit up at the idea.

The Hyuuga clan prodigy nodded begrudgingly. Perhaps he should have been more wary of the fact that most of the medic's absurd proposals sounded appealing to him. Things he never would have considered doing under normal circumstances were suddenly sounding logical. She was like a permanent hangover.

"Blondes versus the other ones," Sakura offered with a grin.

Out of all of them, Sasuke was the only one who remained unconvinced of the brilliance of her suggestion. Her teammate continued to glare, directing his gaze this time to her for even putting the idea out there.

Sakura frowned slightly; she would just have to sweeten the deal.

"Sasuke… if you guys win, I'll let you wallpaper my bathroom with Uchiha fans." That certainly got his attention; the aforementioned man grunted in agreement.

Sneaking up behind Naruto, Sakura yanked him aside, earning a characteristic yelp. "Naruto, if you help me hand their asses to them, I'll pay off your whole tab at Ichiraku," she whispered, carefully enunciating the words 'whole' and 'tab' into the shell of his ear.

"You got it, Sakura-chan."

Sakura nodded, grinning victoriously. "Blondes against brunettes it is. Although, I'm not so sure about Hyuuga-san; he _is _batting for both teams now, if you know what I mean," Sakura smirked at the Hyuuga's bewildered expression.

Without further preamble, the two teams separated and took their places on the field opposite each other. Sasuke was looking handsomely bored while Neji fiddled with his hair. Taking advantage of their opponent's diversion, Sakura leaned over to Naruto.

"I'll take care of Sasuke - you need to distract the Hyuuga,"

"How am I going to distract Neji?"

"I don't know…Tell him you think he's pretty. It always works when I do it," Sakura offered with a shrug. Actually, she had never told the ANBU she thought he was pretty, but damn it- the words were always on the tip of her tongue.

"That will surely sidetrack him" Naruto agreed after some serious thought.

Turning to look back at the smug man in front of her, Sakura swore she'd carve the Haruno clan symbol onto his forehead before they were done - see how Sasuke liked it.

The battle commenced with a gargle-like cry from Naruto and, as previously arranged, the blonde charged straight for the Hyuuga.

"Looks like it's just you and me, Sakura," Sasuke drawled.

"No summoning,"

"Hn?"

"No summoning. It hurts my fingers when I do it,"

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders in compliance and, in a flash, was gone. Sakura clicked her tongue in annoyance and surveyed the area calmly; Sasuke rarely trained with her and when he did, he liked to toy with her first.

A man's shadow flickered in the corner of her vision, hovering just above her. Purely as a reflex, Sakura twisted her body upward to land a kick. When her leg connected with flesh, she silently cursed her lack of vigilance- Sasuke was making things uncharacteristically easy.

A hand shot up from underneath her and Sakura caught a familiar smirk before she was flipped over and pressed to the ground with bone-breaking force.

Gritting her teeth as shockwaves of pain washed through her, Sakura opened her eyes to see red. Sasuke was straddling her hips and his face was close enough to hers that his dark bangs tickled her cheeks. The smug satisfaction she saw in the face scant inches above hers drove her insane. Narrowing her eyes in determination, Sakura collected chakra in her hands and punched Sasuke in the stomach.

In her less-than-perfect position, the punch didn't have its usual effect but it was enough to distract Sasuke. By the time the Uchiha had recovered, Sakura had darted far enough away that the jagged fissure she tore in the ground caught only her opponent.

Sasuke immediately switched to the defensive as he dodged both the massive crack and a tree that was thrown his way. Although the branches just missed him, the rift in the air that the tree left in its wake was enough to make him loose his footing.

If Sakura was upset at his previous move, she was making that fabulously clear.

Meanwhile, Naruto was busy dodging a combination of punches and kicks from the ANBU squad leader. Neji proved with every perfectly timed throw that he was technically the superior ninja, but Naruto wasn't about to be beat out of a fully paid tab. The blonde moved back, allowing the other man to advance.

"You're really pretty, Neji."

The Hyuuga screwed up his face in an expression that was half disgust and half shock. Either way, his guard fell just far enough for Naruto to land a powerful kick to his stomach.

"Wow, Sakura-chan was right, it does work!" the blonde grinned.

--

In the end, only Naruto remained happy- as he made abundantly clear while slurping down a particularly large bowl of ramen. Apparently, Sakura had not only inherited Tsunade's affinity for gambling, but her losing streak as well. She should have seen this coming really.

The souvenirs of their training session –a motley collection of nasty, black and blue bruises- weren't going to disappear any time in the immediate future. After sustaining considerable damage to their bones as well, rendering them effectively immobile, Sakura had been almost forced into healing them. She hated her compassion sometimes.

Reattaching a mass of muscle to the ligaments in the lower shoulder, the medic caught a nasty glare from the Hyuuga. Apparently, he did not like failure all that much. The Hyuuga winced indignantly; his former enviable chocolate locks were splaying messily over his shoulders. After Naruto caught a look at the hidden lowlights, he had laughed (cackled) hard enough to hinder the Hyuuga's mid-air kick. After that opening, it was all over.

"How's your arm now Hyuuga-san?" she asked amicably, earning another silent death threat, "You know, Hyuuga-san, if you can't handle men hitting on you on the battle field…"

She trailed off when Neji looked like he _really _was going to hit her.

Next to him, Sasuke was looking like neglected puppy. The similarity was so incredible that Sakura couldn't help but give him a pat on the messy dark mound.

--

The next morning, Sakura decided to pay a visit to the Uchiha manor to check on Sasuke's injuries as well as to pay a much-needed social call. Leaving Sasuke alone for too long wasn't good for anybody's health.

"I heard you're no longer on probation," Sakura asked, sipping on a cup of tea. Sasuke may not have been the best host, but he certainly made the best tea.

Sasuke looked at her wearily and was slightly surprised at the odd gleam in one of her eyes. Solemnly, he nodded. If hanging around Orochimaru had taught him anything, it was to grow accustom to misplaced gleams on various parts of the body.

"So you can use the Uchiha inheritance to your heart's desire now," she continued, earning another predictable nod.

"So… now, you're filthy and rich,"

"What do you want Sakura?" That gleam was really beginning to make him uncomfortable.

"Come with me to the general store and buy me all the brown hair dye I want," she concluded.

"And why would I want to do that?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Do you still want to wallpaper my bathroom?"

--

Neji was desperate.

He had searched all the counters high and low, but couldn't find a single brown dye bottle anywhere. Exasperated, the ANBU made his way to the shopkeeper. The poor, amicable old man was greeted with a look that promised imminent death.

"Where did all the brown hair dye go?" The Hyuuga demanded; his patience was wearing dangerously thin.

"A very attractive young lady and her boyfriend came earlier and bought out my entire stock,"

"What else did they purchase?"

"Pink hair dye and a few alarm clocks,"

Neji let out a guttural growl and stalked out of the store, his destination looming in the distance.

--

Sakura stood back to admire her handiwork and was sorely disappointed when she turned to compare her pathetic looking portion to Sasuke's. The dark haired man was standing on a low stool, gently smoothing the wallpaper. The imprints of Uchiha fans had been known to inspire seizures in such large quantities, but Sakura had to admit that it was a lot better than orange. She opted to let Sasuke do his work and turned around to admire herself in the mirror.

The bathroom sink was spotted with pink and the half-empty dye bottle of dye had tipped over at some point, but any unhappiness she might have felt paled in comparison to her relief over getting her own hair color back.

Next to her, a familiar growl of annoyance rumbled from her previously –seemingly- contented teammate. In the mirror, Sakura saw that Sasuke had stopped.

Tilting her head in slight confusion, she asked, "What is it now?"

"The Hyuuga is here."

No sooner had he finished but the bathroom door was forced open, revealing a furious Hyuuga. Suddenly, the ANBU became very aware of his surroundings. Sakura had her hair color back, the Uchiha was busy realizing his dream of interior design, and the nasty orange was gone.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"It's not what it looks like," she said exaggeratedly. "I know it looks like we're redecorating my walls, but we're really having sex."

Did Neji honestly expected to get a rational response from her? Neji was not amused. In fact, it was taking all of his genius brain cells to remain sane. With Sasuke silently plastering that seizure-inducing wallpaper with killer intent, Neji was failing miserably. He hated her bathroom; it consistently succeeded in bringing out his less articulate side.

"Do you make a habit of entertaining men in the bathroom?" Neji asked, calmer this time but still slightly irritated.

"As long that they have a good body and a pulse," she quipped, "Although I don't mind the absence of the latter as long as I have the former; I am a medic- we have very liberal ideas of what counts as dead."

"Necrophile," Sasuke murmured in the background, adding his own festive quip to the conversation. Apparently, the bathroom had the same effect on him as it did on Neji.

"Says the man who spent his hormonal boyhood rubbing elbows with a crypt keeper," Sakura shot back. After some forethought (or lack thereof) she began laughing hysterically, "Do you know what the technical term for part of the elbow is?"

"What is wrong with you?" the Hyuuga asked in disbelief. Sakura was getting odd, even for her.

"I think my breasts are too small, what's wrong with _you_?" Sakura's hands were clutching her chest for good measure.

"She's been sniffing that pink bottle all afternoon," the Uchiha said dryly but his attention was still fixated on the ridiculous wallpaper.

"And you let her?" Neji moved quickly to her side to keep her from toppling into the mirror and to begin the awkward process of forcibly removing her hands from her breasts. Once he had succeeded, Neji wrapped her arms around his shoulder ushered her out of the bathroom. Earlier that day he'd learned that Sakura was not herself when exposed to fumes. He would have indulged in the comicality of the situation if it weren't for the stupid Uchiha marking his stupid territory with his stupid fans.

--

"Oh dear God, was I high in there?" Sakura asked, slightly embarrassed at the spectacle she must have been. Next to her, Neji nodded to confirm her theory.

"Where is Sasuke?" she asked, trying to deflect some of said embarrassment by stealthily changing the subject.

"Still in the bathroom."

"We have to get him out of there. He has a very low tolerance," she said, her voice getting increasingly higher as she continued, all the while gesticulating wildly with her hands. It was a nasty habit every time the damn Hyuuga was near.

"It's alright. All the fans will blow the fumes out," Neji reassured her dryly.

"Who knew blondes were so bitchy," the medic huffed and opted to lay her head on the comforting couch.

"Give me the brown hair dye, Haruno-san," the Hyuuga demanded, his form was glowering down at her.

Sakura did not hear him; she was too distracted with a little fly that had managed to get in her living room. Sakura sat very still as the insect landed on her thigh, and swatted it away without a second thought. Neji raised an eyebrow at the sudden act of violence.

"It's a fly; I don't know where it's been," she said somewhat defensively.

"The fly doesn't know where you've been, and _it _doesn't discriminate," he shot back without missing a beat.

"You know, you should feel proud - you're the only man I know who can achieve multiple sarcasms," she stuck her tongue out at him.

"I am quite a catch- now about the hair dye…"

"Words of a true man." Neji narrowed his eyes in distaste but relaxed when Sakura got up.

"I sent it to your house, Hyuuga-san," she said, waving her hand dismissively.

His body tensed again.

"You sent an entire store's brown hair dye to my house?" the Hyuuga demanded, his silver eyes were slits now.

"Oh yes, Hyuuga-sama was quite receptive - even offered to reimburse," she grinned mischievously. Inner Sakura flashed a victory sign –_that _was for parading her yellow glory around town and for making her pay for lunch yesterday.

If he hadn't been so dismayed, he would have admitted that it was a brilliant move. It had only been two days and the medic had already enlisted Hiashi's influence to her arsenal of evil. He growled when Sakura turned around to return to the bathroom. Immediately, his hand shot out to catch her arm in a vice-like grip.

"The Uchiha is sufficiently entertained," Neji said, pinning her eyes with a fiery gaze of his own. "Meanwhile, you are coming with me."

"What? Why?" she stuttered, vaguely aware of what he wanted.

"You got me into this… problematic situation with Hiashi-sama, so you are coming to act as a buffer for any questions that may pursue."

Again – for the third time - Sakura was shoved out of the door, her whimpers of protest left unanswered.

--

Hiashi sat on the ornate couch, casually fiddling with the brown bottle that apparently belonged to his nephew. On the floor next to his foot were three cases filled with similar bottles. Why Neji needed thirty-six bottles of dye, Hiashi wasn't about to investigate. What _was _worth the investigation was the method chosen for delivery.

He had recognized her immediately as the Hokage's apprentice. Despite the atrocious yellow hair, the girl was undeniably beautiful.

What a fabulous gene pool.

His nephew was twenty-two and this girl could be the ticket to beautiful children.

The clan lord chuckled lightly and as he craned his neck to look at graying strands in his own hair; Hiashi wondered idly if Neji would mind having only thirty-five brown dye bottles. Suddenly, he heard the door open accompanied by the furious shuffling of feet.

The Hyuuga lord was immensely pleased when he was greeted with the sight of his nephew manhandling the young medic. He had to force a satisfied grin from appearing at the wonderfully advantageous situation.

The opulent white yukata shifted noiselessly as Hiashi walked toward the couple. The grin manifested itself when the girl did not cower from him. Next to her, Neji shuffled uncomfortably at the attention his uncle was directing towards Sakura.

Hiashi looked down and offered Sakura a hand that she hesitantly accepted. "Haruno-san, would you mind if I have a word with you?"

Sakura wrinkled her eyebrows in confusion; she glanced at Neji to see him visibly straighten with distrust. "Um… yes, that would be alright."

"We will speak in the library. Come," the older man turned his back and beckoned her to follow him. At the door, Hiashi craned his neck to leave Neji with some wise parting words: "Your three cases of hair product are in my study,"

Sakura stifled a giggle as Neji mumbled something in irritation behind her. Unfortunately, her amusement was short lived when she found herself having some difficulties keeping up with the Hyuuga lord's rapid pace. He briskly turned down the winding corridors until finally stopping before a heavy wooden door that opened to reveal a spacious room. He gestured for her sit at a low table in the center of the room before settling down himself.

"So, Haruno-san, I'm sure you are wondering why I asked you in privately," the clan lord started, his hawk-like, pastel eyes scrutinized her.

"Something along that line," she shifted awkwardly on the elegant furniture. Her eyes were set on the Hyuuga end table and she couldn't help but wondered if she should carve the Haruno clan symbols on it. Clearly, Sasuke had the right idea.

The pink haired kunoichi leaned back uncomfortably. She glanced up to his face but couldn't figure out where she should stare - the eyes would be too confrontational and open space would be disrespectful. She opted for the bridge of his nose instead.

"So… I've been told that you have been seen constantly around my nephew,"

"Only very recently, Hyuuga-sama." _And not by choice_, she thought to herself.

"And there are rumors floating around that you two participated in such courtship activities as matching your appearances."

Sakura's eyes widened; she should have known Naruto would blab about their matching hair color. "What? No! That was a misunderstanding!"

"How was it so?" questioned the Hyuuga.

"It's a long story," Sakura answered in resignation.

"I also heard that you two are romantically involved."

Sakura snorted incredulously. This man needed to get his sources right.

"Hyuuga-sama, there is no intimacy in our relationship. I didn't even know we _had _a relationship." She took care of Neji when he was drunk and, in return, he took care of her when she was high. The more she thought about it, the worse their "relationship" sounded.

Not exactly shining examples of Konoha shinobi, Sakura chastised herself.

_Speak for yourself, I am plenty shiny! _Inner Sakura huffed indignantly.

"So let me get this straight - you don't have a relationship with my nephew, yet you were sighted in Hyuuga compound late at night and have been spending your time with him."

"…More or less correct."

"Because Naruto told me you two are courting."

Green eyes widened alarmingly, "That is not true!"

"Are you calling my future-son-in-law a liar?"

"Yea- wait, no!" she said desperately.

"So you're getting married," stated the older man firmly.

"Um…" her heart beat quickened as she realized the nature of her predicament. Her mind flashed with so many things she'd rather do right about then. She could be picking up her dry cleaning, scrubbing her sink, disimpacting bowels at Konoha's free clinic.

"So when is the wedding date?" inquired the Hyuuga. A feral smirk graced the elegant lines of him face. This was going much better than he had expected. Neji was brilliant, but Hyuuga ingenuity was certainly genetic.

"There isn't going to be one," muttered Sakura, her voice wavering noticeably. She could be developing that photo with her hair dyed to show Ino the proof. She could be picking out a birthday present for one of the interns. Speaking of which, when _was _Misao's birthday? March something. March twenty-fifth?

"Haruno-san, are you telling me that you are eloping with the possible heir of the Hyuuga clan? You know I am thinking about naming Neji my heir you know."

"No." It was definitely March. Maybe March fifth?

"So when _is_ the wedding date?" demanded the older man.

"March 15!"

_Oh shit!_

--

Sakura trailed behind Neji's uncle like the obedient and subdued person she was feeling. The older Hyuga opened the door for her and she stepped in Neji's room. The tall man turned around to face a pale medic. Her inner turmoil slightly dissipated when she saw him with his hair undone and the former yellow lowlight had been camouflaged a brown that almost looked natural. The ANBU worked fast.

"So… I talked to your uncle…" she started, "he's a pleasant man."

Neji looked at her apologetically. "I'm sorry. You seem unhurt, so things must not have gone completely amiss."

"Yeah… about that…" she said slowly.

Suddenly, the door opened and Hiashi appeared in all his Hyuuga glory, "Neji, I'd like to speak to you in the library."

--

"So I just spoke to your fiancée-"

"I'm sorry, who?" his nephew interrupted calmly, trying hard not to scratch the itch on his nose. Had Neji been in his right mind, he wouldn't have been so docile about the "fiancée" comment. The cheap hair dye was a hazard and all the nasty fumes were definitely messing with his head.

"Haruno-san. A brilliant woman. You certainly know how to choose them," the older Hyuga beamed in obvious pleasure.

Neji looked at his satisfied elder in confusion, "We're not getting married."

The happy face of the man in front of him evaporated and was replaced with anger. "Are you telling me that you will not return that beautiful woman's love? You're willing to leave it unrequited?"

"No-"

"So you do love her," stated the older Hyuga.

"N- no." His head was pounding. Sakura only had to sniff one bottle of dye to turn her into a babbling idiot- he had been surrounded with three cases of them.

"You hesitated. What I am hearing from your hesitation is that you _are_ marrying her but you do not love her. Yet you will, eventually, love her."

"No."

"So the only other possible choice is that you already love and are marrying her. So I will ask you this: When is the wedding date?"

"I don't know," he answered desperately.

"Then it's safe for me to conclude that you love her and you are marrying her yet you don't know when the wedding date is. Is that correct?"

"I- I suppose."

"Well, I'm asking you now. When is the wedding date?"

Just give him a date! Any date to satisfy whatever crazy lust for knowledge was driving his uncle. Tell him anything so we can leave and get some sleep, Neji thought.

_Done_, a part of his brain complied dumbly.

"January 25." Neji's eyes widened in alarm as he realized what he just did.

_Abort! Abort immediately!_

"Thank you, you are dismissed,"

--

Neji walked briskly back to his room with a sense of urgency. He roughly opened the door to see Sakura sitting on his chair with a guilty look on her face.

"Haruno, What the hell-"

"So you found out," she said, "I swear Hyuuga-san. I didn't mean for it to happen. Your uncle, he manipulated me!"

Neji closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. He let it out slowly and turned to the beautiful woman in front of him, "When did you say the wedding date was?"

Sakura smiled in self-congratulations as she said with pride, "I said March15 - which is in two months. That gives us plenty of time to supposedly realize that we weren't meant for each other and break up."

Neji's heart skipped a beat as a cloudy look took over his face. "Yes, about that… I might have told him a different date…"

Sakura's head whipped up alarm. "What day, Hyuuga?

"You know, those dye bottles are honestly unsafe…"

"What's the date, Hyuuga?" she asked dangerously.

"January 25."

"Hyuuga-san…Today is January 18. The wedding is next week."

The absurdity was ascending to dizzying height.

* * *

To be continued by Sailor Silver Moon

anna: I see your "spar", and now I am raising it to "a marriage". Vendetta achieved -bows-

It is too early in the game for any true romantic feelings to develop yet. So since I can't force feelings, I decided to force situations. La de da, I take dares personally Silver-dear. _Mucho love._

Oh, and for those who got Sakura's little sexual joke about Sasuke rubbing elbows with the "crypt keeper" in the bathroom- I'm extremely sorry, I wasn't exactly on the top of my intellectual Everest.

Multiple sarcams: From Will and Grace. Loved the show, haven't seen the last episode (don't plan to- I hear it invites tears).

Many thanks to _Pharos Hyaline_ who so graciously agreed to beta.

We're not rabid, simply creatures of vanity. So drop us a line.


	5. Chapter 5

**Legendary**

_A joint project between mlle. anna and Sailor Silver Moon_

All general disclaimers apply

_Everyone knows that people unconsciously pick up the characteristics of their mentors. That's why Naruto has a frog-shaped wallet and a perverted jutsu. That's why Sasuke has homicidal urges and a tendency to scare little boys. And that's why I've suddenly become the Legendary Sucker and could really use a strong drink._

**Chapter 5: River Rat (Silver)**

"_I'll help you wallpaper Naruto's bathroom with the leftovers from my bathroom …,"_

--

Sakura fiddled with the cup in front of her, warming her fingers against the delicate porcelain pattern. What she really wanted to be drinking right now was something a hell of a lot stronger than green tea, but she had once tried to drown her sorrows with alcohol. She had soon after learned that sorrow knew how to swim.

"There's no way he can be serious about this." She spoke suddenly, looking up at the man across the table from her.

"Hiashi-sama always has been fond of his little jokes." Neji replied, sarcasm etched into each word. The only thing with a smaller sense of humor than the Hyuuga patriarch was probably a lump of coal. And even that was debatable – lumps of coal had their good days too.

"This is ridiculous. We should just go back in there and tell him that this is a huge misunderstanding." Sakura glared back. "Are you just going to let him cow you into doing whatever he wants?"

"Please, be my guest." Neji gestured toward Hiashi's study, eyebrows raised in challenge.

"Alright, I will. Just you wait and see." Sakura rose from the low table, bristling at the suggestion that she would let Hiashi do as he pleased. She could cow the Hokage into attending council meetings, how hard could it be to convince one clan elder that he'd made a mistake?

"Don't mind me. I'll be right here, waiting for you." Neji sipped at his cooling tea.

"Fine, just wait there then." Sakura strode out of the room, face puckered in annoyance.

Neji took three more sips of tea and mused about how they'd been having a very mild winter. Konoha usually had temperate seasons, but they hadn't seen a flake of snow yet this year. He was interrupted from his philosophical thoughts as the door slid back open and a pink-haired kunoichi slunk back into her seat.

Neji raised an elegant eyebrow in question.

"We're having a traditional wedding, by the way." Sakura muttered gloomily in defeat.

"Did you discuss what kind of flowers we're using or the color combination for the reception tables?" Neji couldn't help rubbing salt into the wound and was rewarded with yet another glare for his effort.

"Oohh…" Sakura huffed and made to stand up, intent on trying once more to give Hiashi a piece of her mind.

"Sit down, Haruno, before you end up telling my uncle that you're pregnant or something equally bad."

"Alright, then _you_ find us a way out of this mess, Hyuuga-san."

"I don't see why the task should fall solely to me, Haruno-san. You have just as much vested interest in preventing this sham of a marriage as I do."

"Well, if you were the number one rookie in your class, and a supposed genius, so I'm sure solving a little situation like this would be a piece of cake for you, right?" Sakura knew that clan members were proud folk – it wasn't a very well kept secret after all. The trick was to use that pride to further her own goals.

That was how she had managed to keep Sasuke from burning Naruto to a crisp when the blond had come up with the Sexy no Jutsu: Uchiha Edition. As it were, the hair on Naruto's arms never did grow back…

Her tactic didn't fail her this time either: Neji paused to send a look that was equal parts wary and arrogant her way. This was the crucial moment that Sakura had been waiting for:

"So, please let me know what your brilliant plan consists of. I have a lunch date with Ino, so I'm afraid that I will have to excuse myself from this tête-a-tête." She bowed politely, quickly making hand seals underneath the table before disappearing in a cloud of pink petals. (Yeah, it was corny, but you had to roll with what you got. Besides, with Naruto choosing to leave behind his namesake fishcakes whenever he used a teleport jutsu, nobody would begrudge her for being unoriginal).

Sakura blinked twice before acclimating to the spot where her transportation jutsu had left her. The more rushed the jutsu was performed, the less precise the destination spot became. And while, technically, it was a poor show of manners to use jutsu like this indoors, Sakura felt that it had been an equally poor show of manners on the Hyuuga clan's part to decide her husband, wedding date and color combination.

(Sakura had actually tried to reason with Hiashi on three separate occasions in the time that she had left Neji alone; she simply chose not to tell Neji that there were going to be a combination of lilies and pink roses during the ceremony while the reception was going to be mainly off-white with accents in green and black.) She never would be able to fathom exactly how Neji had known the truth of the matter, but Sakura suspected some foul play involving the Byakuugan and lip reading. Being the optimist that she was, Sakura chalked it up as just more evidence that the Byakuugan evolved as a social tool.

The next time Mist sent a delegation seeking the Byakuugan, she was_ so_ going to let them in on this little secret. The pay-out had to be worth at least half the amount she'd spent on hair dye this morning. The Mist may not have been the smartest bunch of people with gills (an impressive feat considering they were the _only_ bunch of people with gills yet known), but their booming jewelry trade made them damn good bribe-payers. The mere thought make Sakura smile as she headed toward the commercial section of the street.

She hadn't been lying when she'd told Neji that Ino was expecting her for lunch. In between delivering thirty six bottles of brown hair dye to Hyuuga Hiashi and allowing a deranged Uchiha to wallpaper her bathroom with seizure-inducing patterns, Sakura had found time to scrawl a quick note to Ino. The two were going to swap gossip and pictures (thereby adding to the blackmail pile each had on the other).

Quickly walking over towards the sedate-looking restaurant that Ino had picked, Sakura pushed the door open and found herself quickly seated across from her friend. Sakura quickly took a drink of water in order to better smother the grin that was threatening to break open across her face. Ino's choice of pink hair dye seemed to be quite tenacious: the blonde's locks were more strawberry than golden now.

A tiny part of Sakura couldn't blame Ino for picking a weaker hair dye than the industrial strength goo that Neji had chosen, but Inner Sakura was rolling in circles with tears rolling down her face from the hilarity of it all.

"So," Sakura paused as laughter almost overcame her. Once she had regained her composure, she continued, "How was being a pinkette?"

"Ugh, can you stop using that word?" Ino groused, picking at her bangs sullenly. "This damned color just won't go away. I've tried dying it three times already!"

"Now do you understand what I mean when I ask you to think about your actions beforehand?" Sakura did her best to speak in the snootiest voice she could manage.

"Actually," Ino's expression flipped from sullen to radiantly happy much the same way that Gai's face sometimes did just before his eyes did that creepy sparkle thing. (Sakura averted her own eyes, just in case). "This is working out pretty well for me!"

"Er – I'm sorry, did you just say you were _happy_?" Sakura was shocked enough that she looked back up at the blonde.

"That's right, Forehead, I did." Ino smirked proudly and flipped her hair over her shoulder, revealing a collection of bruises along her neck. Sakura's jaw dropped at the crisscrossing trails of hickeys from her ear to the neckline of Ino's blouse. As she traced each of paths with her eyes, Sakura could feel a blush rising on her cheeks.

"But, who? When? What?!"

"None other than Aburame Shino, of course. Turns out that he's got quite a few tricks up his sleeves, y'know, and he can do this thing with kikkai pheromones that just makes me want to…"

"Eugh, that's enough, thanks. Don't want to over-share, now do we?" Sakura tried to keep all thoughts of kinky sex involving bugs as far from her mind as possible.

She failed magnificently and instead, focused on keeping her gag reflex under control.

"Oh, don't give me that, Sakura. You're the one who's always on about people being more than just appearances. Just because you didn't manage to get anywhere with the sex god that Hyuuga Neji is, doesn't mean that everyone else in the village lacks a sexual drive."

"Yeah, well, you shouldn't assume that I couldn't get anywhere with Neji." Sakura shot back fiercely. Ino's comments about her own close-mindedness had gotten under the pink-haired girl's skin.

"Do you really expect me to believe that you seduced _Hyuuga Neji_?" Ino raised not one, but both eyebrows to make her point.

"Yeah, that's what I said, Ino-pig." Sakura retorted, ignoring the little high-pitching ringing noise in her ears that generally warned her of dangers like incoming kunai, landmines and rising to Ino's challenges.

"Yeah, prove it."

"Sure. Keep January 25 open, then." Sakura steadfastly replied despite the fact that the ringing noise was getting louder with each passing minute.

"What's January 25?"

"The day I marry Hyuuga Neji." The noise in her ears was deafening now, but Sakura didn't need a sense of hearing to enjoy the shocked expression on Ino's face.

--

"Sasuke, I did a bad, bad thing." Sakura dropped to the ground next to him on their usual training grounds.

"Bad as in 'oops, I forgot to return a scroll to the library' or 'oops, I killed my entire family except for my little brother?'"

Sakura shot him a sideways look. "Is there no middle ground with you?"

"Hn." Sasuke went back to sharpening his kunai. Sakura winced at the thought that their next victim could be her couch.

"So I might have, sort of, told Ino something that wasn't quite true…" Sakura fiddled with the hem of her shirt, taking care to glance up at the entrance to the clearing every so often.

"Hn." Sasuke kept sharpening.

"So I need you to henge in to Neji and pretend to be him. For only, like, thirty seconds, really. Just long enough for her to believe me. You're the only one who'd be able to pull it off!" She tried flattery, the oldest trick in the oldest book.

"No."

"Oh, c'mon. Thirty seconds. Unless you think that you wouldn't be able to pull off the dignified air that a Hyuuga clan member has?" When flattery didn't work, reverse psychology sometimes did the trick.

Silence.

"I'll help you wallpaper Naruto's bathroom with the leftovers from my bathroom." And when reverse psychology didn't work, bribery came into the picture. It was usually accompanied by a healthy dose of desperation, which, coincidentally, Sakura was feeling plenty of.

"Alright."

"Now, you have to just stand there and act like Neji or the deal's off, got it?" Sakura carefully clarified the terms of their bargain. She'd been burned enough times (both literally and figuratively) to know not to leave any vague loopholes.

"Hn." With a quick flicker of hand seals, Sasuke henged into a perfect replica of Neji, blond streak and all. Sakura motioned for him to stick to Neji's _normal_ appearance, and a moment later, she couldn't tell that it was an Uchiha and not a Hyuuga in front of her.

Sakura glanced around, wondering where Ino had gotten herself to. Sasuke was known for many things – being the lone survivor of a massacre, having no mercy on women and children, not-so-secretly nursing a tomato fetish – but nobody had ever called him patient. Those who had been stupid enough to _assume_ he was patient usually didn't make much further along the evolutionary chain.

"Sakuraaaaa!" Ino's dulcet tones could be heard from a mile away. Sakura linked her arm through Sasuke's and prepared to present a picture of marital bliss. "Look who I found!"

Ino would, in the ten minutes she had been left alone, of course, have run into the one person that Sakura needed her to be far away from. Neji didn't look too pleased with the situation either but was, for some unfathomable reason, allowing himself to be led into the clearing. Sakura quickly kicked Sasuke in the shin, effectively disrupting his concentration and dispelling the henge jutsu before the pair could catch sight of her plot.

"Neji-kun, what a surprise." Sakura said in an overly-sweet tone through clenched teeth. He seemed a bit taken aback by her suddenly familiar address, but remained thankfully silent about the change.

"He was actually walking away from the training grounds." Ino informed Sakura with wicked delight. "Now, did you have something to say to him, Forehead?"

Sakura took a deep breath and evaluated her options. She could either confess the truth to Ino and never hear the end of it, or she could do something that would _really_ get Neji in the mood to close all her tenketsu (and perhaps even some that hadn't been mapped yet).

Well, she wouldn't be Tsunade's pupil if she didn't always take the gamble…

Sakura took three quick steps forward, placing herself directly in front of Neji, before pushing herself upward to meet his lips. She mentally apologized to him while Inner Sakura did a jig at the prospect of kissing the one of Konoha's most handsome men.

Three things then happened in quick succession:

First, Sasuke, presumably (in his own little way) still trying to act along with Sakura's plan so that he could wallpaper Naruto's bathroom, shot into action and shoved Sakura to one side.

Second, Sakura, trained for years as a kunoichi, reacted reflexively to Sasuke's sudden movement by trying to kick him. She succeeded in catching his ankle, causing Sasuke to trip up unexpectedly.

Third, Sasuke, thanks to the momentum from his original lunging motion, continued to move forward despite being tripped. He knocked into Neji and the pair toppled over backward.

When the dust had cleared, Sakura could only stare.

Inner Sakura wondered just how many _more_ boys Sasuke was going to kiss during his lifetime…

--

**To be continued by anna**

**Silver: I took anna's plot bunny and RAN LIKE HELL with it. Poor Sasuke has already kissed Naruto, spent time with a man of questionable sexual orientation and now just kissed Neji…there are going to be some people questioning what team the last Uchiha is playing for… Now that I think about it, Neji didn't really get to do much this chapter, but you did get to see an Ino!**

**Sorry for the long delay…if you've been keeping up with my profile, you already know all about my computer troubles. As for the chapter title – a river rat is a poker term (used for a person who has absolutely nothing but then gets incredibly lucky in that the last few cards dealt turn his/her luck around). I'll define it, but you have to apply it. ;)**

**Have fun with the boy-love, my dear anna. I daresay I've turned your usual love triangle a little upside down…**

**Let us know what you think/predict! (Your guesses for the next chapter are as good as mine!)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Legendary**

_A joint project between mlle. anna and Sailor Silver Moon_

All general disclaimers apply

_Everyone knows that people unconsciously pick up the characteristics of their mentors. That's why Naruto has a frog-shaped wallet and a perverted jutsu. That's why Sasuke has homicidal urges and a tendency to scare little boys. And that's why I've suddenly become the Legendary Sucker and could really use a strong drink._

Author's note: BEWARE. Chaos ensues. You've been warned. Like, seriously.

**Chapter 6: ****Coffee Housing**** (anna)**

_Left early. Prior engagement. No alarm clocks! _

_Must destroy all evil. _

_Will bring lots of alcohol. Talk soon, yes? _

--

Sakura wasn't sure what was more unfair- Naruto's Sexy no Jutsu was sexier than she was, or that Sasuke had probably kissed more boys than she did. But before she knew how to respond, Sasuke had already pushed himself away from the compromising position. Although she wasn't looking at her, Sakura could tell Ino was disappointed.

The second Sasuke was on his feet again, he immediately hooked his arm around the medic's waist while shooting nasty glares at the Hyuuga. Sakura pouted; did he even have the right to be jealous? Really, _he _was the one making the moves on _her _fiancé. She had learned recently that the Hyuuga brain was twisted, but it was still second to that of the Uchiha's.

Neji seemed to be just as unhappy as Sasuke. Without missing a beat, his arm shot out and successfully pulled (yanked) Sakura to his side. Ino's eyes were shooting beams of glee.

"Uchiha, I would appreciate it if you do not touch my fiancée in such a manner,"

Tomoe spun and Sakura cowered under his glare.

"Oops?" she answered weakly. It was worse than forgetting to return a scroll to the library, but no way tantamount to the murder of an entire clan. But Sasuke was always so awfully black and white.

"Sakura…" Sasuke began.

Before Sasuke could finish his threat, the Hyuuga had decided to leave, tugging her along with him. Ino was watching the entire show with her jaw almost to the ground.

--

The minute they were out of ear shot, Sakura wiggled out of his hold. She stood in front of him, a finger waving accusingly.

"What the hell was that? You told Sasuke!" she almost screamed.

The Hyuuga had the audacity to tilt his head to feign confusion.

"You told Ino," he answered simply.

She threw her hands on her head in exasperation. That was true, but Ino was Ino and Sasuke was _Sasuke-kun. _Not only that, Ino didn't really believe her anyway, it was Neji who confirmed.Next, it'll be Naruto… her head whipped around as the new thought crossed her mind, Naruto.

_Fox boy was the one who started the entire thing. Kill him. _

Neji flashed an amused smirk when he noticed the amount of time it took for her to sober down. The smirk, however, died down when her eyes were directed at him.

"You do realize that this is no longer a private problem. This leak with Ino will spread by the end of the day," Sakura said, trying with no little difficulty to keep up Neji. What was it with Hyuugas and fast walking?

"The possibility crossed my mind,"

"Then why…" her temper was threatening to flare again but was involuntarily placated when they reached the Bunke residence.

They entered the building Sakura immediately plopped herself down on the couch. Neji took a seat opposite from her.

"Ok, so now is the time to tell me about your fabulous plan to get out of this pickle jar we've gotten ourselves into," she said hopefully.

"What plan?" the Hyuuga answered, deadpanned.

"What do you mean 'what plan'? Didn't you have one?" Sakura's snapped back, she had been so sure, and now all that hope came to a crashing arrest, "Then what was with that arrogant look you were flashing me earlier?"

"That's just how I look by default," he said.

She took a throw pillow from the couch covered her face with it. Neji watched as the medic tried to suffocate herself and mused about her many suicide attempts. When she took the pillow from her face in defeat, he caught sight of a slightly bruised forehead from when she was trying to smash it against the bathroom counter earlier.

"Hiashi-sama has his heart set on this wedding for reasons unknown to us. It's obvious that he isn't going to simply back down," the ANBU captain reviewed the situation again.

Sakura had long since stopped talking. Instead, she decided to bury her face on the couch.

"You know, if you marry me, Hiashi will name me the new clan leader. After that, I can annul the marriage if I want,"

"Wah you cwazy?" she mumbled in the soft cushion. At that moment, Sakura knew she was holding a very nasty leverage on him. If she let it slip that Hiashi's precious nephew was getting it on with an Uchiha, he'll be disowned- wedding problem solved. But such a card should only be used in emergencies.

_Uh, hello! This is an emergency. _

After a few seconds of silence, the pink haired woman shot up. Neji raised an eyebrow at the sudden commotion, mentally bracing himself for another one of her "plans".

"Or… we could sabotage the wedding," she suggested.

"Sabotage?"

"We could mess with the wedding plans, extend the date and buy ourselves some time,"

"And how do you suggest we achieve that?" why Neji was even encouraging her was beyond him.

"We could be under the covers,"

"Undercover,"

"Hm?"

"Undercover, I have no interest in doing anything under covers with you,"

She stuck her tongue out at him and he smirked in return. At that moment, Neji entertained the thought of truly marrying the woman. She was simply too amusing, and she successfully made him smirk more times in the past two days than anyone else had. Before his image of marital bliss had a chance to mature, Neji quickly dissolved it. She brought him too many problems than he deemed acceptable. That and there were gossips that she belonged to the Uchiha. Sasuke's little show of aggression (possession) and her panicked actions confirmed the rumors.

"Hey Hyuuga, your uncle left us a note,"

"What does it say?" he asked, looking at the woman who was eyeing the piece of paper in both curiosity and slight fear. Not that her apprehension wasn't justified when it concerned his uncle.

"It says that a priest is coming over tonight to go over the plans of the ceremony,"

No one can ever accuse the Hyuuga clan of procrastination.

A firm knock on the door stopped the couple and left them with a heavy silence.

"Answer it," commanded Neji.

"You answer it," Sakura said, a little miffed at the command, "he's not the grim reaper."

Defeated, the Hyuuga walked to the door and opened it with great difficulty. The doorway revealed an old man with wrinkle lines like drained up rivers running on his face. His eyes were a hollow black with the fleshy part sucked inward. The man's emaciated, haggard face looked almost unbalanced with the oversized protruding black lips. He held a leather pocket book and eyed it wearily.

"Neji Hyuuga, I've come for you," the raspy voice said.

--

"When I die I want to be cremated, my wife doesn't know. She wants us to be buried in coffins. They're nice and everything, with the satin sheets and comfy padding, the white lace and expensive mahogany wood. But the bugs will get you. They'll bite and bite until you're left nothing but a rotting corpse. You don't see them in the first week, but they're there, drilling holes in your coffin,"

Heavy silence persisted.

Neji looked uneasily at Sakura whose large eyes stared ahead at the emaciated man with fascination. The priest looked up, and began talking again.

"So the Hyuugas, you have a couple of options for your funeral…"

"But we're planning a wedding," Neji cut in. Why he was wasting energy to bring attention to the wedding was beyond him. Hiashi's genius should never be underestimated.

"I understand, but Hyuuga-sama hired me to do a "complete job" and that covers all your lives' ceremonies," the priest said and took out a black notebook.

"Your uncle and I chose a nice selection with maple wood," the old man said, holding up a picture of a large coffin.

"It's shiny, and silky, and smells nice…"

"Stop, stop. Just stop," Sakura cut it, her hands waving above her head to emphasize.

Neji sighed in relief. Finally! Logic!

"You had me at shiny,"

--

Ino sipped her cup of coffee as Sakura told her about last night's events. The strawberry blonde woman tried hard to stop herself from choking.

"It's not that funny Ino pig," Sakura said, obviously upset at her friend's amusement.

"Come on now Forehead-chan. It can't be that bad, I mean, it _is _Neji Hyuuga we're talking about," she answered, "Many women would _kill _to be in your situation,"

"The entire affair reeks of foul play," the medic crossed her arms stubbornly.

Her friend put the cup down on the table and leaned forward, "I just don't understand why you're fighting this so much. Is this about Sasuke?"

Sakura groaned at the mention of his name. She didn't have a chance to explain the situation to the Uchiha, and she just knew he was still brooding.

"I think you just need to get to know Neji a little better," Ino said. She smirked in self-satisfaction.

"Get to know my fiancé? Are you crazy?"

Ino twirled her pink tinted blonde hair absentmindedly, "We are women of the modern age Sakura dear. We can take the initiative now. Just take him out,"

Sakura stared at her friend in slight confusion, "You mean like kill him? I'll never get away with it."

Ino sighed in exasperation. This was going to be a lot tougher than previously accessed, "I forget I'm talking to the social virgin,"

The blonde gasped when she caught a glimpse at the clock, "Gah! I'm late for a meeting with Shino,"

Ino looked at her watch before sitting up. She glanced at the distraught medic and flashed a small, sympathetic smile.

"Things could be worse Sakura,"

--

Things did get worse. At dusk, some Hyuuga clansmen appeared at her door and demanded that she come with them to the Bunke residence. Apparently, Hiashi decided that as the future bride of the Hyuuga, Sakura needed to start living with them. Too tired to fight, the medic simply nodded and allowed herself to be dragged off.

When she arrived, Neji seemed to have recently received the news as well. He was sitting cross-legged, bent on ignoring her. Staring at the meditating man, Sakura's temper rose steadily. She vaguely registered the throbbing of her arm due to her luggage before throwing them at his head.

He caught her bag easily and opened his eyes to look at the peeved woman standing by his door.

"Are you going to stand there all night?" he asked mildly.

With a huff, Sakura stomped in his room. It was childish, she had to admit, but certainly justifiable.

"I am not sleeping with you," she said.

Neji shrugged and opted to meditate again, "suit yourself. The floor is all yours."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. The floor was cold under her toes, she wasn't about to risk a back ache in the morning. Sakura remembered she bruised easily.

_Red alert! Amber alert! Magenta alert! Alert of the rainbow! _

Yes, yes, this was an emergency.

"Was Sasuke a good kisser?"

Neji lost his concentration. In the past few days, team seven had managed to put him in touch with his sexuality more than he cared for. He got hit on by the obnoxious blonde, got himself engaged to the violent protégé. But that's not all, when they start something, Hyuuga clansmen go the whole nine yards- Neji had to kiss the suicidal Uchiha. He was beginning to feel like the poster boy for the Red-light district.

Wait… wasn't there one more member? Kakashi. Icha Icha Paradise…. Sai was an artist, wasn't he?

"The bed is big, we'll divide it in half," Neji suggested. He drew the line at Kakashi.

"With what? Kunai?"

"I was thinking of a long pillow,"

"Right,"

They began to build their pillow fortress and Sakura tried not to say any smartass comment about them being "under covers".

"You know Hyuuga, this is fun. Kind of like a slumber party," she grinned.

Across from her, Neji nodded mirthlessly. Sakura's medic instincts kicked in, however, when she caught a small grimace on the Hyuuga's face.

"Are you hurt?"

"Just a muscle sprain from the spar yesterday," he waved dismissively.

But Sakura wasn't having anything of Neji's childish display of macho-ness.

"I'm going to take a look at it, take off your shirt," she commanded, adopting the countenance of a professional medic.

"I'm fine, woman," Neji answered firmly.

"You may as well take it off now. It would save me a lot of trouble later tonight when I try to strip you while you sleep," she grinned. The small dimple on her cheeked deepened. He never noticed that dimple before, and decided that it looked oddly menacing on her.

Reluctantly, the Hyuuga began to loosen the outer layer. He flashed her a suspicious look when he found that an odd smile was erupting from his new roommate.

"Wait, wait wait, let me lower the light and turn some music on first," she grinned, her hand reaching for the lamp, "Now do everything again, but slower…"

Neji glared.

"Hyuuga, just humor me. As far as you're concerned, the music, the dim light and the fabulous abs have nothing to do with my personal enjoyment but everything to do with your medical diagnosis,"

Upon seeing that the Anbu was still distrustful, Sakura flashed another smile and made herself even more comfortable on his bed, "Don't worry, I have your best medical interest in mind,"

"Which part of your mind exactly?"

The entire situation was getting less absurd and creepier by the second. That night, Neji found out that a healthy level of fear was encouraged when his future wife was concerned.

--

Sakura tossed and turned. When it became apparent that she wasn't going to get any sleep that night, she glared at the peaceful man next to her. Her glare softened (slightly) when she saw how serene he looked. Lightly, Sakura traced the nape of his jaw. He wasn't as handsome as Sasuke, but he came a close second. The strong features and the impossibly long lashes added to the general "stick-up-ass" charm.

He smelled nice, she noted. Not the spicy masculine like Sasuke's, Neji's was gentler and not overpowering. She nestled closer to him, trying to get some of the blanket he was selfishly hogging.

A silver eye cracked opened and a second later, both eyes were open.

"Can't sleep?"

The head against his chest shook.

"You knew about your uncle's plan to get me here, and yet you still allowed them to kidnap me," she said, her voice hushed by the fabric of his shirt.

"It wasn't kidnapping…merely overactive carpooling,"

"I didn't even explain to Sasuke properly yet," Sakura said, her head was making no inclination to move from its comfortable spot against his chest.

"You seem to be very concern about the Uchiha," he said, his tone husky and low from the sleep deprivation.

"We never speak about it, but there is a mutual understanding that we would end up together," she stifled a yawn and drifted off to sleep.

_Naturally, _his mind supplied a little more cynical than he would have liked.

By then, Neji had noticed the lack of coverage on her body. He maneuvered his body slightly to transfer some of the blanket to her side.

--

"Since you're going to be married Neji, we must give you a bachelor party," declared Jiraiya, the perverted hermit smiled, waving his lecherous book above Neji (who was exhibiting divine patience under the circumstances).

"Yes, the previous edition of Icha Icha Paradise included a how-to-do-it-yourself bachelor party," embellished Kakashi.

Lee joined in the conversation, his caterpillar eyebrows wiggled in mirth, "Yes Neji, you must experience the power of youth before your wedding,"

Lee was the most surprising of them all. When he was forced to deliver the news to his green teammate, Neji had expected a speech about the wilting power of youth followed by another fiery declaration of rivalry. But instead, his eccentricity surfaced under the guise of good wishes and life's blessings.

"I don't have time to plan a bachelor party," said the Hyuuga firmly. He forgot how he got there, in the middle of Ichiraku and surrounded by prying and curious shinobi.

"No worries, we'll plan it for you," offered Naruto, slapping the Anbu on the back good naturedly. The blonde didn't even back off when Neji flashed him a nasty glare.

Neji wasn't exactly sure what Naruto's involvement in the trickery of the engagement was, but Sakura had been so sure that everything was due to the blonde's meddling.

Kakashi pulled the Hyuuga up on his feet and dragged him to the door, "Come on, Neji- we'll invite the best geisha around and have some fun tonight,"

"Jiraiya-sama will contact the okaiya, he will ask for the best geisha for the entertainment tonight," Naruto said to Lee.

The tai-jutsu ninja nodded in agreement, "Good, Jiraiya certainly does have some connection there, I believe. Kakashi will bring the sake and Shikamaru and I will provide the food,"

The five men left the ramen shop, four of them were chattering merrily while the tall Hyuuga rolled his eyes in annoyance.

Sitting on the opposite booth occupied by the former Anbu party, a lone figure slowly lowered the newspaper she was reading. Blue eyes gleamed in mischief as she freed her blond hair of the restricting hat.

"Bachelor party?" Ino muttered.

--

Sakura paced back and forth, her eyebrows knitted in concentration. Her best friend sat on the futon painting her long nails while watching the medic with amusement.

"A bachelor party you say?" Sakura asked, her lips pursed tightly.

"Reiterating what I heard," Ino said simply.

The little time cushion between now and the wedding was drawing closer. Sakura was clearly panicking while Neji had the nerve to enjoy himself. A bachelor party no less. It was unforgivable.

"Ino, I'm going to need your help with this,"

--

Naruto looked at the clock impatiently, after seeing that the minute hand hadn't advanced anymore than the last time he checked, he glanced back at the bored faces of his colleagues. Lee's spherical eyes widened every time there was a sound outside of the Hyuuga residence.

"Fun party," muttered Gai, his large eyebrows drooped in boredom as he neared another shot of sake to his lips.

"When I said I didn't need a bachelor party you must have really taken it to heart," commented the Hyuuga. His mind wasn't exactly on the terrible party as his thoughts were wrapped around Sakura's noted disappearance. She was no where to be found since the afternoon, and a small treacherous voice told him that she must have tracked the Uchiha down. The Hyuuga were not jealous people, but they do like to keep what was theirs. And she was his now, wasn't she? Albeit how they arrived at their current predicament was a little sketchy and a result from embarrassing lapses of judgment. Oh, and Naruto too.

"I've drank so much sake, all I need now is some female company. They don't need to be pretty, no, I've passed that point," slurred Genma. He was now choking on the senbon that had accidentally slipped down his throat.

Suddenly, the deep knocking of the door shook everybody out of their drunken state, followed by high pitched giggling.

"That giggling better belonged to Jiraiya," Genma automatically sat up, his hand grasping a kunai "Let me at him, I don't care if he's the legendary whatnot, let me at him,"

Shino calmly pulled the drunken ninja back down to his seat and gestured for Lee to open the door. The tai-jutsu ninja got up and pranced to the door in anticipation. Before he got a chance to open the heavy wooden door, it was pushed roughly open by an outside force.

"Now which one of you darlins' is the groom?" a loud booming voice demanded.

"A-Are you the umm… geisha?" gulped Naruto as he looked at the four… women in front of him.

"The geisha industry must be in low demands nowadays," whispered Lee, his saucer like eyes were threatening to bulge out of its sockets.

"They certainly do keep your gaze, don't they?" someone whispered. It really didn't matter who, the words were on everybody's minds.

"These aren't geisha! They're middle age prostitutes," someone else embellished.

"No sweetie, I gave up prostitution last week," a largely built woman with long blond hair stepped forward, her face caked with white powder that falls to the ground as she spoke, "but raise your payments and I wouldn't mind giving a little something,"

"We're actually _paying _these women?" Shikamaru muttered.

"So Neji Hyuuga, we've come for you," a skeletal woman slowly approached the young Anbu, "I used to be a beauty you know, one of the most requested showgirls in Konoha. Compare to these neophytes, I have a good 50 years of experience ahead of them,"

"I've no doubt," Neji said, his handsome face twisted in distaste. At that moment, he wished he'd had a little more sake.

A grotesquely dressed woman advanced the confused lot and draped her arms around Genma who looked like he was ready to faint, "Hi, I'm Shizu, let me be your entertainer tonight."

"Are you sure you don't want to entertain the groom?" gulped Genma. He was drunk, but not _that _drunk. He strategically used her distraction to swallow another senbom.

"No," she bellowed, laughing and snorting ridiculously to herself, "Besides, my friend already has dips on the hottie," the petite geisha gesture to the large woman who was currently hugging the Anbu Captain.

"You're so precious, Neji-kun," the large woman chirped as she whipped her lightly coloured hair over her shoulder and batted her thickly lashed olive eyes.

"I need some more alcohol," the handsome Hyuuga said as he pushed her off of him. His hands were itching for the sake. Unlike the rest of the men, Neji had a nice exit strategy. Should he find himself unable to cope, a second shot of sake would knock him out like a light. It was nice to be a one shot wonder sometimes.

Suddenly, the door opened and Sai stepped in. He took one quick survey around the room and shrugged.

"What's Ugly doing here?"

"Hey! I told you to stop calling Sakura-chan that," Naruto warned, but his threat fell short when he began to hiccup.

"Where is Sakura-chan?" the blonde tried again, slurring more this time.

"The one with the poorly executed henge?" the ink master pointed.

"Hic- I can tell my girl from miles away. You lie!" Naruto accused.

"That's because you're all drunk."

"He's right, we are drunk," Kakashi suddenly appeared next to Neji's ears and whispered. His usual bored eye was blood shot now, "You know? If you use your Sharingan, those women don't look half bad. Maybe it'll work for the Byakugan too. Do it, do it,"

Neji tried to unwound Kakashi's arms around his neck., "Do you have _any _idea what turning on the Byakugan enables me to see?"

Without Neji's neck as leverage, the copy nin slid to the ground and stayed there.

Somewhere in the background, Lee was giggling.

--

Neji wished he'd taken that second shot of sake. He'd have a pounding headache, but at least the pounding would distract him from his current situation (predicament). The second he left the Academy, the Hyuuga found himself cornered.

"Wasn't there a restraining order from the Academy?" he asked. Neji really wasn't in the mood to get in a fisticuff with the Uchiha. What he _was _in the mood though, was to find Sakura and have a nice civilized talk about last night's strange occurrences. But she departed early that morning, leaving a note about a pressing engagement with some postscript about his lack of alarm clocks. Hence, she'd gone out to destroy evil…after the bit about the alarm clocks, the note made less and less sense.

"A hundred feet. We're at a hundred and one,"

Apparently, Sasuke was now a law abiding citizen.

"If you want to talk to Sakura, she left in the morning. Something about destroying evil, I'm a bit worried,"

Sasuke shook his head dismissively, "Don't worry about it, it's code,"

_Code?_

"For what?"

"Ramen with Naruto,"

_Ah _

"I'm not here to talk to Sakura. I'm here to talk about her," the Uchiha shifted his stance and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"If this is about the engagement…"

"You can't marry her,"

Neji lifted an eyebrow. That would be possessive aura shooting off of the Uchiha. The last time he'd seen this sort of display was when Lee accidentally ate Sasuke's tomatoes. Back then, it was irritation at best, now, it was pure malice. Apparently Sakura was worth more than tomatoes.

"The wedding next week says otherwise," Twice now, Neji drew attention to the wedding. The priest's eccentricity drew it out the first time, but now, Neji's intention was slightly different.

"You don't have a claim on her, Uchiha,"

Sasuke nodded slowly as he contemplated the statement.

"Does she like to bury her head in your chest when she sleeps, Hyuuga?"

Sasuke smirked. Neji glared.

--

Sakura was seriously considering Neji's previous statement about her habit of entertaining men in her bathroom. Upon entering her apartment, Naruto immediately lunged for the bathroom. Apparently he heard rumors about Sasuke messing up his orange masterpiece. After checking the ruination, Naruto was pleased that Sasuke only managed to wallpaper two out of the three walls available.

"Lucky for you Sakura-chan, I brought paint," the fox grinned mischievously, obviously thinking he was doing her a favor of divine proportion.

"Oh no, don't you even think about it," she snarled warningly and pounced on the blonde.

They stumbled to the ground with Naruto strategically placed himself on the bottom to cushion her.

"I am not about to have Sasuke brooding again," the medic said. She settled her head on his arm comfortably, "he's already jealous as is."

"Is he jealous of you or Neji… it's getting awfully difficult to differentiate," Naruto feigned a groan when she jabbed his side playfully.

"Weren't you the one who made the first move on my fiancé?"

"We are so screwed up," she muttered, playing with a strand of pink hair. It was manufactured dye and was no where near her natural color, but she was glad her head was no longer festive yellow.

"Um…Sakura-chan? Why are there Icha Icha Paradise posters on your ceiling?"

--

Outside her apartment, a civilian delivery man knocked on her door. He leaned to the side to check her address and nodded approvingly when he knew he got the right place. He tugged his collar to relieve the rising temperature. When no one answered his insistent knocks, the man called out.

"Delivery for Sakura Haruno,"

With the heat of the sun dancing on his back, he was almost tempted to leave. But it just wasn't professional to leave a giant coffin outside of someone's apartment. That and he needed the tips.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

To be continued by Sailor Silver Moon

Hands Silver a beating heart…. Um… I… love… you?

Silver decided to leave me with a kiss between Neji and Sasuke, hence destroying my normally awesome love triangles. So I decided to leave her with Sasuke's jealousy, the entry of a new player regarding The Bathroom, and a coffin (anna was feeling vengeful).

See? It works like this- you leave us a line, in return Silver will leave you with chapter 7 (and that has many, many fabulous lines). A good trade off, if I don't say so myself.


	7. Chapter 7

**Legendary**

_A joint project between mlle anna and Sailor Silver Moon_

All general disclaimers apply.

_Everyone knows that people unconsciously pick up the characteristics of their mentors. That's why Naruto has a frog-shaped wallet and a perverted jutsu. That's why Sasuke has homicidal urges and a tendency to scare little boys. And that's why I've suddenly become the Legendary Sucker and could really use a strong drink_

_Note: So, on a whim, I decided to check the email account I devote specifically to and what do I find but a shiny new chapter from miss Sailor Silver Moon. Wonderful surprise, indeed. _

**Chapter 7: Caught speeding**

Sakura wasn't sure how she had ended up eating with the entirety of Team 10 but was grateful for the chance to add something other than ramen to her diet. Ino had dragged them all to the new western style barbecue restaurant that had opened last month. Shikamaru couldn't be bothered to protest and Chouji was more than happy to lead the way once the word "barbecue" had reached his ears. Sakura reasoned that since (as far as she knew) neither of the boys had been complicit in the shinobi debacle masquerading as a bachelor party, she really couldn't object to their company. She was also fairly certain that neither of them had any plans to redecorate her apartment, which only brought them higher into her favor.

But why Sakura had thought spending more time with Ino would be anything less than painful – there was no sane explanation.

"So, Forehead, have you booked a venue for the wedding yet?"

"Ugh, Ino-pig, can we spend just _one meal without bringing up how messed up my life currently is?" Sakura leveled a lackluster glare at the blonde. Ino didn't seem fazed._

"When is the last time you had that head of yours checked? Are you seriously complaining about being engaged to one of the most eligible bachelors in the village? How is it that you get Hyuuga Neji while I'm stuck with pink-tinged hair, tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum?" Ino shot two glares at her teammates.

"Animal magnetism?" Sakura joked morosely. "When I go outside, squirrels stick to my clothing."

"Sakura! Be serious!"

"I am being serious," Sakura took a deep breath and weighed the option of telling Ino the truth or listening to her gripe some more. "We're not really going to get married, Ino-pig. This is all a misunderstanding."

Ino narrowed her blue eyes speculatively. "You're not going to throw me off the scent that easily. There is no way you can't be ecstatic about being with Neji! He's a prodigy at everything – imagine how he must be in bed."

Sakura caught a fleeting grimace flit across Shikamaru's face. Clearly, the lazy genius wanted to be here as little as she did. "Ino! There. Is. No. Wedding. Neji and I are nothing to each other." She enunciated each word slowly for the blonde's benefit.

"His uncle hired a priest, Neji had a bachelor party and Sasuke is looking even more grumpy than that time Chouji ate his tomatoes – are you seriously in denial about this?"

"It's not denial," Sakura sniffed as she picked up a piece of pork. "I'm just very selective about the reality I accept."

Ino opened her mouth to speak, but surprisingly it was Chouji who beat her to the punch. "Perhaps Sakura would enjoy her meal more if we were to discuss a different topic?"

Sakura smiled brilliantly over at the chubby boy and tried to think of something to divert the conversation to. But it was hard to focus when Ino was gritting her teeth while eating and kicking Chouji under the table. A glass table – everybody could see.

"Focus on your kebabs, Chouji, and I'll take care of the conversation," Ino snapped before Sakura could successfully navigate to a safer topic. "Sakura is clearly in denial about her feelings for Neji and is quite possibly about to mess up her life unwittingly."

"I don't know what you are-" Sakura started to mumble another denial but was cut off before getting very far.

"Describe Neji in three words. Whatever three pop into your head first." Ino commanded imperiously.

Sakura blinked once, paused and replied "Arrogant. Clan. Moody." There was no way in hell that she was going to admit that the three things she had immediately thought were 'brilliant, warm and sexy.' Never mind that explaining Neji was warm to sleep on would most likely give Ino an aneurysm.

"I'm not buying that for a second. You've been teammates with arguably the most arrogant, broody clan member of all of Konoha. None of those things really bother you. And that pause means those weren't the first things you thought of either."

Sakura cursed that the normally dense Ino was incredibly perceptive when it came to anything related to gossip, attractive shinobi or making Sakura feel like a fool. Unfortunately, the issue at hand was the trifecta.

"Ino, just let it go."

"No, Forehead. You have to be crazy to not be attracted to Hyuuga Neji!"

"Ugh!" Sakura groaned, "When it comes to him, crazy isn't that much of a stretch." She jumped slightly when she felt a warm arm slide around her shoulder unexpectedly. She turned her head slightly and saw the man she had been avoiding since the bachelor party debacle: her fiancé.

Neji rubbed his cheek against hers affectionately (completely out of character and most likely in an attempt to revenge himself for the geisha trick) and corrected, "I'm rich, so you have to say I'm eccentric."

And Sakura was forced to accept the possibility that those twisty, squiggling things that appeared in her belly at his contact might actually be feelings for Hyuuga Neji. But damned if she was going to let Ino know! Sakura scooted sideways on her bench and shook Neji's arm off of her.

"Don't ever touch me in public again." She growled at the brown haired genius who looked entirely unconcerned at her actions.

"So, in private it's ok?" Neji asked innocently, timing his comment so that Ino spluttered into her tea. "I mean, you did seem alright with it the other night." He trailed off, enjoying the rising color in the medic's face. There were few things as amusing as Sakura, Neji was quickly discovering. It didn't take a genius to realize that she was as deadly as she was beautiful, but he couldn't resist teasing her. Nothing had ever captured his interest as much as this slip of a kunoichi. Perhaps Hiashi-sama wasn't out of his right mind in trying to add her to the clan. She would be a nice splash of color in the drab mansion.

"Okaaaay. This lunch is officially over," Sakura unceremoniously shoved Neji off the chair and stood up swiftly. "I'll leave you to pay the bill, Ino, since it seems I took care of the entertainment portion." The blonde was still hacking out a lung and couldn't protest as Sakura grabbed Neji's arm none too gently and guided him forcefully out of the restaurant.

Sakura dragged the unprotesting shinobi towards the relatively secluded bridge that Team 7 usually used a meeting point before letting him go with a huff. "Hyuuga! What am I supposed to do when you.. you…" She spluttered, at a loss for words at his behavior. There were several endings to the sentence that Inner Sakura was suggesting.

'When you nuzzle my neck like that and my head goes all blank.' 'When you wrap your arm around me and my heart tries to leap out of my chest.' 'When you remind me of how natural it felt to sleep snuggled up with you.'

"When you embarrass me in front of a whole restaurant like that!" Sakura ignored her inner voice and valiantly tried not to think of how terribly attractive Neji was with that lazy smile spreading across his face.

"I'm not very good with advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?" Neji replied, cheekily.

Sakura gaped. Neji took advantage of her slack-jawed reaction to reach up with a hand to slowly push her mouth closed. He couldn't really be blamed if he let his hand linger on her chin or if he felt the need to push some imaginary strands of pink hair off of her face. He idly contemplated how soft her skin was and found his thoughts straying to her twitching lower lip. Perhaps he would…

Sakura blinked rapidly when Neji, who had begun to lean in, paused and tossed three shuriken backward contemptuously. The screech of metal crashing against metal immediately followed and Sakura jerked her head up to see three sets of kunai and shuriken fall harmlessly to the ground. Neji spared the kunai on the ground another disdainful look before cocking an eyebrow at the source.

Sakura frowned and glanced at Neji again. First multiple levels of sarcasm and now condemnatory shuriken-throwing. Apparently there was a whole range of skills that she needed to work on.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto waved enthusiastically at her, looking especially pleased with himself, though a little singed and covered in splotches of orange paint that were hard to distinguish from his normal outfit. Walking next to him was Sasuke, looking as if someone had kicked his cat.

That was always how he looked though.

Sakura spared the kunai another glance and recognized them as the perpetrators of evil upon her poor hapless couch. She slowly did the mental calculations of trajectory. Then she re-calculated it again before frowning. That couldn't be right – why was Sasuke throwing pointy objects directly at the back of Neji's head?

Were Sasuke's long-dormant hormones awakening and focusing on, of all people, _Neji? Sakura scrunched up her nose in distaste. For all her jokes about taking after Orochimaru, she had never truly suspected that Sasuke's indifference to her was the result of playing for the other team. Wait, no. Sasuke had aimed __for Neji. So that meant… a vast amount of trouble, most likely. Sakura sighed at the homicidal tendencies of her teammates and wondered how much paperwork she was going to have to deal with when yet another restraining order was filed._

"Uchiha, you do realize it's treason to try to assassinate fellow Konoha shinobi, correct?" Neji placidly commented, ignoring the murderous waves coming off of Sasuke.

Naruto laughed nervously, "That's just Teme's way of saying hello. It's one of those things he picked up in Sound. If he throws a Katon fireball at you, it means he wants to know how your day is going."

Sasuke shifted his glare to include Naruto.

"Anyway, Sakura-chan, I wanted to let you know that your bathroom is all fixed."

Sakura hadn't been aware anything had been broken; she quickly decided that she didn't want to know what Naruto meant because it probably had something to do with his singed appearance.

"Let's train. Kakashi has an A-rank mission for us." Sasuke grunted at her, making it very clear that 'us' did not include any members of the Hyuuga clan.

"I'm afraid you won't be taking _my fiancéeout of the village anytime soon, Uchiha. We have quite a few arrangements to complete and besides, you wouldn't want to risk making her miss her own wedding, would you?" Neji placed a possessive hand on Sakura's elbow and began leading her away from her teammates, ignoring the flash of red swirling in Sasuke's eyes._

Sakura tried to process the encounter that had just taken place for a few more moments before deciding that Sasuke and Neji could work out their issues about her fake wedding on their own. Heck, she hadn't even finished working out her own issues about her fake wedding.

"Um, Hyuuga-san," Sakura began as her fiancé continued to gently but forcibly drag her towards the shopping district.

"Neji," he interrupted.

"Huh?" Sakura blinked, unsure of what he was implying.

"If we're going to make this believable, you are going to have to call me by my given name, _Sa-ku-ra." He emphasized each syllable of her name deliberately, glancing back just in time to catch the faint blush that he triggered in her face._

"Neji-san," Sakura began again but was interrupted once more.

"That's still too formal."

"Neji," Sakura hesitated, "-kun." Since he showed no signs of correcting her again, Sakura continued with her original question. "Where are we going?" They had reached the upscale portion of the area, where the goods were exquisite, but the prices inhibitory.

"My lord Uncle wishes for us to continue with the preparations for the wedding."

"Oh god, do we have to buy more coffins?" Sakura exclaimed in mock-horror. "I haven't even received my first order yet!"

Neji actually deigned to roll his eyes at her before stopping in front of an opulent kimono store. He let go of her elbow and opened the door for her. Sakura hesitated for a minute, wary of the Hyuuga clan's latest scheme, but since Neji would never let her finish all the seals for the transportation jutsu, she was effectively trapped. Sighing, she stepped into the store and was immediately greeted by the proprietor.

"Haruno-san! We have been expecting you, please follow me. Would you care for any refreshment?" In the blink of an eye, Sakura was trundled off to the rear of the store, her protests falling on deaf ears.

Neji followed behind the bustle at a sedate pace, well out of arm's range from the pink-haired kunoichi. He found himself being led to an ivory couch by another salesperson and accepting a glass of champagne. The sounds of Sakura's shrieks reached him despite the closed door to the changing room. He suppressed a smirk at her inability to use chakra-enhanced strength to defend herself against civilian women.

He gingerly took a sip from the champagne flute to calm his nerves a bit before sliding his other hand into the concealed pocket of his pants. His fist closed around the small object there and he paused to once again debate the intelligence of his plan. Originally, the idea had formed as a reaction to that damned Uchiha's arrogant claim on _his fiancée, but he realized he was becoming dangerously close to being attached to the pink haired girl._

"If you laugh, I'm going to pound you into the earth," Sakura growled as she was urged (read: forcibly ejected) from the dressing room.

Neji looked up and blinked. Sakura was dressed in a fully embroidered white wedding kimono. Her hair had been twisted up despite its short length and a few tendrils escaped to frame her pale face. But what caught his attention the most was how her green eyes seemed to jump out at him against the background of the snowy fabric. It was like reading an open book: embarrassment, bashfulness and hope all flit across her eyes as she awaited his reaction.

"The sleeves are too long," She finally muttered, attempting to break the silence that permeated the room. "And they didn't have matching shoes in my size," she confided to him, lifting the hem of the kimono a little to reveal her black uniform boots underneath.

In spite all of this – or perhaps, because of it – Neji couldn't help but smile. Seeing her in this dress, it was easy to understand why Hiashi-sama thought she would make a good addition to the clan – she was beautiful, intelligent and completely beguiling with her innocence. Here she was in the most expensive wedding store in the village and she was concerned about her boots? She was utterly amusing. Neji stifled a smile and took two steps forward to stand in front of her.

"Sakura, shut up, will you?" he intoned, causing her to make a face at him.

"I'm sorry, your highness, shall I go get you your coffee and tea now?" She replied, mockingly.

Shaking his head slightly in amusement, Neji withdrew his left fist from his pocket and he heard her sharply intake a breath as he knelt before her and opened the little velvet box that contained his mother's engagement ring.

Looking up at her from on one knee, Neji had to wonder if he wasn't beginning to fall for his fiancée. That was the only logical explanation that he could come up with for the sudden and overwhelming decision that he couldn't let anything or anybody prevent this wedding from taking place.

xxxxx

To be continued by anna

Sailor Silver Moon: I do apologize, dear readers, for the delay in this chapter. The fault lies with me alone – and anna gets all the credit for spurring me to write this once again. Last we met, I was given a coffin, some jealousy and some icha icha posters…and I return with a grumpy Uchiha, a shiny (if not exactly new) ring and some squiggly feelings from Neji.

Leave us a line and anna will bring you Chapter 8!

anna: Chapter 8 will conclude our joint project.


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